What ABGW Really Means | Breaking the High-Functioning Anxiety Cycle

Introduction

0:21 Speaker 0: Hi,

0:28 Speaker 1: I'm Cheryl, and welcome to Work Stress Anxiety by Abgw.

0:36 Speaker 1: Now, this is a podcast. No, you don't say Cheryl. No, seriously.

0:44 Speaker 1: This is a podcast for women who look like they're coping but privately feel like they're running an ER department or what's the other word for

1:00 Speaker 0: it emergency

1:00 Speaker 1: department inside their own head. What's it called?

1:06 Speaker 1: Accident and emergency. That's what I was trying to think of.

1:10 Speaker 1: You might be managing a team, a home, managing other people's diaries, school runs, inbox chaos, Emotional Labour, deadlines, other people's moods and your own nervous system which has apparently decided to operate like an overexcited smoke alarm.

1:38 Speaker 1: The thing is, the reason why I created this podcast was from the inside, from the outside, you look capable.

1:51 Speaker 1: Everything looks really good.

1:54 Speaker 1: On the inside, you might be thinking, I look like I'm coping, but I'm paying for it. I'm really paying for it.

2:04 Speaker 1: I need to steady myself before my body makes the decision for me.

2:09 Speaker 1: Or it might even be thinking coping is beginning to cost too much. If that sounds familiar, I'll be honest with you.

2:20 Speaker 1: You're not being dramatic and you're not being weak and you're not failing. You're just

2:26 Speaker 0: a Modern Woman.

2:28 Speaker 0: You may just be overloaded and that's exactly why I created this podcast.

2:35 Speaker 0: Now, just so that you know, I wanted this podcast to be something real.

2:47 Speaker 0: I didn't want another chirpy, me to be another chirpy little voice in your head telling exhausted women, just be positive.

2:58 Speaker 1: I didn't wanna be another person with the perfect lighting, explaining that the answer to burnout is journaling at 5AM, drinking loads of green liquids, and becoming someone with no actual responsibilities.

3:18 Speaker 0: I didn't wanna be someone just wearing those lovely pastel cardigans either.

3:25 Speaker 0: I wanted to create something grounded, something short enough to use in real life.

3:34 Speaker 0: We're on series 4 now, or season 4 of the podcast, and I've been trying those different things.

3:43 Speaker 0: I've listened to feedback that I've received from listeners, from other podcasters, from my family, from my friends, from people who's really supported me, and I honestly have appreciated the support so much, and that's why I wanted something that was grounded in real life.

4:10 Speaker 0: Something that speaks to women who are sitting in their cars before work, taking 3 deep breaths before going in.

4:22 Speaker 0: Women who, know, I can't

4:25 Speaker 1: even believe I'm saying this,

4:27 Speaker 0: who still hide in the toilet like we used to do at school because it's the only place where no one's asking them a question.

4:38 Speaker 0: Or women who, for whatever reason, may be lying awake at night, mentally answering emails, replaying conversations, rehearsing what they're gonna do, and then wondering why they can't switch off, they can't relax.

4:59 Speaker 0: Or the woman, for all intents and purposes, is technically functioning but knows deep down that functioning is not the same as being okay. This podcast is for you, and it's also for her.

5:22 Speaker 0: So where do we begin?

Where I'm coming from

5:25 Speaker 1: I really thought I wanted to

5:26 Speaker 0: do an episode where I explained a bit more of where I'm coming from here.

5:32 Speaker 0: So, Abgw originally stand in for amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, wonderful, and the thing is, it still does, believe me, and I'll put a link in the podcast where I explained why I created it to be called amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, wonderful.

5:56 Speaker 0: I'll link that episode in.

5:59 Speaker 0: But now, before your nervous system rejects what I'm saying like some sort of motivational fridge magnet, stay with me here,

6:10 Speaker 1: you don't have to feel amazing, you don't have to feel brilliant, you don't have

6:15 Speaker 0: to feel gorgeous, and you definitely don't have to feel wonderful.

6:19 Speaker 0: Sometimes the most honest thing you can say is, I feel like a badly folded fitted sheet who's got responsibilities.

6:31 Speaker 0: And honestly, that is fair.

6:35 Speaker 0: Abgw is not about pretending life is lovely when it isn't.

6:41 Speaker 0: It's about interrupting the constant not enough messages women absorb from work, family, culture, social media, that constant need for comparison, and that inner critic that really does need fewer speaking opportunities. Well, maybe different ones.

7:09 Speaker 0: The world hands out not enough like free samples, not enough time, not enough calm, not enough sleep, hey, not enough patience, not enough productivity, not enough emotional availability.

7:25 Speaker 1: And then somewhere, women are expected to hold it all together while still replying no worries to emails that absolutely contain

7:36 Speaker 0: worries.

7:37 Speaker 0: Abgw is my flip on that script, Not with fake positivity, which I cannot stand, but with steadiness, with my crazy humor, with small repeatable resets, with the reminder, here it is, are you ready?

8:01 Speaker 0: You are a human being, not an endlessly upgradeable work appliance. So what is Work Stress Anxiety by Abgw?

8:15 Speaker 0: Well, it's a podcast for High Functioning Women who are dealing with Work Stress, work anxiety, overwhelm, you're at risk of burnout, you're emotionally exhausted, you're feeling the pressure of leadership, you cannot stand perfectionism, you may be a people pleaser, and guess what, your nervous system is beginning to become overloaded.

8:45 Speaker 0: These episodes are not meant to be therapy.

8:48 Speaker 0: There's no medical advice here, there's no HR advice, there's

8:53 Speaker 1: no legal advice here, it's just a general

8:58 Speaker 0: chat, I suppose, designed to help you pause, name what's really going on, what's really happening, calm your system enough so that you can think clearly, and choose the next step with more steadiness.

9:22 Speaker 0: And that matters because when your nervous system is overloaded, your brain doesn't behave like a wise sage. It doesn't.

9:32 Speaker 0: It behaves more like a browser

9:35 Speaker 1: that you've probably got open right now, maybe, as you're listening to this, whether it's on your phone or computer, and you've got 47 tabs open.

9:45 Speaker 1: 3 of them are playing something that you're not even listening to. 1 of

9:49 Speaker 0: them is quietly asking whether you're ruining your entire life.

9:54 Speaker 0: So your first job is not to fix everything.

9:59 Speaker 0: Your first job is to steady.

10:04 Speaker 0: That is the heart of where I come back to again and again, calm first, reality first, then change, because trying to make big decisions from a position of panic or guilt, depletion, or even resentment is not strategy.

10:28 Speaker 0: It's stress dressed up in a really cute blazer.

10:35 Speaker 1: You know, the way that I see it, it's almost like, you know, when

10:37 Speaker 0: you take in your kids or your grandkids to the park and you see a beautiful lake and you see the swans on the lake, it's a bit like that.

10:48 Speaker 0: The surface is calm, oh, so serene, capable, professional, you're answering emails with punctuation that suggests that you're absolutely fine, when underneath, you're frantically paddling, shallow breathing, clenching your jaw, you've got a tight stomach maybe, you're internally screaming,

11:14 Speaker 1: your nervous system is trying

11:16 Speaker 0: to do jazz hands.

11:19 Speaker 0: Very elegant, it's very British, but very unsustainable.

11:25 Speaker 0: This is what I mean by high functioning stress, and the problem is when you're good at coping, people often miss the cost.

11:35 Speaker 0: They don't, you know, they see the output, but they don't see the recovery time.

11:46 Speaker 0: They see the calm reply, but they don't see that internally you're all frozen up.

11:53 Speaker 0: They see this organized woman, but they don't see the 1 lying

11:57 awake at 02: 13 a. M. Mentally rewriting the day.

12:05 awake at 02: That's why this podcast exists, because the question is not just can I keep going?

12:12 awake at 02: I think the better question is what is it costing me to keep going on like this? That is reality first, the Abgw Method.

12:25 awake at 02: Now, let's talk about the deeper meaning of ABGW in the Abgw Method. ABGW stands for Awareness, Balance, Growth, Well-Being.

The deeper meaning of ABGW

12:41 awake at 02: I often think of it as win win Well-Being because Well-Being that requires you to abandon your actual life, to me, is not Well-Being at all. There needs to be a win win here.

12:55 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: What problem are we trying to solve, or what perspective needs loosening right now?

13:07 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: And that question matters because vague self improvement can become another way, I think, to feel inadequate.

13:19 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: You start with, I want to feel better, and somehow end up blaming yourself because you didn't become more peaceful, productive, emotionally available, or spiritually enlightened by the end of the week. No. We're keeping it simple. What is happening?

13:40 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: What is the pattern? What does your body need first?

13:46 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: What small shift would make the next step easier?

13:50 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: That's the work.

13:51 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: Awareness means this is where I am, not this is who I am.

13:58 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: That distinction really, really matters.

14:02 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: I'm overwhelmed is different from I'm a failure.

14:06 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: I'm depleted is certainly different from I'm weak.

14:12 And the method is built around 1 core question, I think: Awareness helps you name the pattern without turning it into your identity. Next, we have Balance. Now,

14:22 Speaker 1: Balance is not a luxury spar word.

14:24 Speaker 0: No, no, no. Balance is infrastructure for survival.

14:29 Speaker 0: It means noticing where your energy, attention, boundaries, responsibilities are widely out of proportion, and yes, sometimes Balance looks deeply unimpressive.

14:49 Speaker 0: Leaving work on time, eating actual food rather than Frankenstein stuff, muting a notification, asking which tasks should I drop, not replying instantly because someone else has made urgency part of their personality.

15:16 Speaker 0: So Balance is all about making sure that all the areas of your life are truly there to support you. Okay. Next is Growth. Right?

15:30 Speaker 0: Now, I'll be honest with you, I love the Growth phase of change because I'm nuts, okay?

15:42 Speaker 0: I love seeing people, truly, I really do get so excited that I often go around dancing jigs as well as other types of dancing when I see people growing, okay? But Growth is not pressure.

16:03 Speaker 0: Growth is capacity building. It's trying little experiments.

16:08 Speaker 0: It's learning. I can pause before I answer.

16:13 Speaker 0: I can name what I need.

16:15 Speaker 0: I can make 1 different choice under stress.

16:19 Speaker 0: Growth is not becoming someone else.

16:24 Speaker 0: Growth is about discovering more of who you really are.

16:28 Speaker 0: It's becoming less trapped in old patterns that were not serving you, seriously.

16:37 Speaker 0: And then we have win win Well-Being, that lived result.

16:45 Speaker 0: It is a lived result.

16:47 Speaker 0: It's more steadiness, clearer choices, better recovery, less likely of collapsing, more access to yourself, And I call it win win Well-Being because your Well-Being improves without your life being burned down to make it happen.

17:11 Speaker 0: Often, when I see people make changes in their lives, a lot of

17:18 Speaker 1: the time it's almost as if, you know, and I know this may sound like a crazy analogy, but it's almost like they have to have a forest fire in their life.

17:29 Speaker 0: No, no, no, no, no. You don't. I don't think you do.

17:34 Speaker 0: Yes, there are some some things that are really extreme that, yes, you need to take down a lot. But the

17:41 Speaker 1: thing is, win win Well-Being matters because a lot

17:45 Speaker 0: of advice I notice sounds lovely, it sounds brilliant, until you apply it to a real woman with a job, bills, hormones, history, deadlines, and a nervous system that has been carrying around far too much for far too long.

18:09 Speaker 0: So here we are, just in present reality.

18:21 Speaker 0: I just wanted to explain to you where I am coming from, and that's the Abgw Method Awareness, Balance, Growth, win win, Well-Being. No performance required.

18:44 Speaker 0: Okay, so the ABGW check-in can give immediate relief because it turns fog into language.

18:58 Speaker 1: Okay?

19:00 Speaker 0: You can find out more about the ABGW check-in in the blog post that accompanies this episode. Want you

19:12 Speaker 1: to try and keep this episode shorter, but it's going on

19:15 Speaker 0: a bit now.

19:16 Speaker 0: So what I will say is the method all about relief versus restoration.

Relief versus restoration

19:24 Speaker 0: So deeper restoration happens, I think, through repetition.

19:30 Speaker 0: Repetition creates familiarity, familiarity creates safety, safety creates a space for more flexibility, and flexibility allows, I think, more choice. And choice is where it's at.

19:47 Speaker 0: Choice is what Work Stress, anxiety often steal first.

19:53 Speaker 0: Relief is that small breath, the pause, the moment you realise, I'm not broken actually, I'm overloaded.

20:02 Speaker 0: Restoration is what happens when those moments are repeated often enough that your system goes, hey, I can start trusting myself the way back. This podcast gives you relief, I think.

20:18 Speaker 0: I hope that's what it's doing.

20:20 Speaker 0: It's allowing you to see more insights.

20:24 Speaker 0: The wider Abgw Method works by helping build restoration.

20:31 Speaker 0: Both matter, but today we'll start with relief.

20:36 Speaker 0: So here's your takeaway.

20:38 Speaker 0: ABGW is not here to shame you into being better.

20:44 Speaker 0: It's here to help you feel steadier, clearer, and less alone when Work Stress, anxiety are quietly costing too much.

20:57 Speaker 0: You don't have to be falling apart to deserve support, hell no.

21:03 Speaker 0: You do not have to wait until you're burnt out before making a decision for yourself that's just for you.

21:12 Speaker 0: You can start with 1 minute, 1 breath, 1 honest conversation, 1 honest sentence.

21:21 Speaker 0: You can start by naming what's real, you can steady your body before demanding decisions from your brain, you can start, you can, yeah, just take 1 step that protects your Well-Being without pretending the pressure that you're experiencing in your life is imaginary. That is the Abgw Method in real life.

21:48 Speaker 0: No glitter, no grand reinventions, just calm first, reality first, then change.

21:57 Speaker 0: If this episode helped you feel a little less alone in Work Stress, please follow the podcast.

22:05 Speaker 0: That way the next episode is there when you need it because honestly your brain has had enough tabs.

22:11 Speaker 0: It's got enough tabs open, yeah?

22:14 Speaker 0: So thank you for listening to Work Stress Anxiety by Abgw.

22:20 Speaker 0: This podcast is here to help you steady your nervous system, name what's happening,

22:26 Speaker 1: and take 1 real world step at a time because Work Stress and anxiety do not respond very well to shame.

22:36 Speaker 1: They respond to safety, clarity, repetition and practical support.

22:43 Speaker 1: So until the next time remember every step you take no matter how small is a step towards a brighter and more balanced future.

22:54 Speaker 1: Trust in your journey and remember progress is progress no matter the pace. Cool. Bye for now.