Night Shift Overthinking | Why Work Anxiety Peaks at 2am

0:37 Speaker 0: Hi, I'm Cheryl and this is Work Stress Anxiety by ABGW.

0:44 Speaker 0: Welcome if you're new here.

0:47 Speaker 0: Today we're talking about Work Anxiety and Overthinking at Night, which I often do.

0:55 Speaker 0: Otherwise known as that deeply irritating moment when you're in bed and your phone is face down, the house is quiet and your brain decides now is a really good time to open a full internal

1:15 investigation into that email you sent yesterday at 03: 47PM.

1:22 investigation into that email you sent yesterday at 03: Lovely. Lovely. Lovely.

1:25 investigation into that email you sent yesterday at 03: Because apparently sleep is optional, but replaying the exact tone of kind regards is somehow urgent.

1:35 And if you've ever woken up at 02: 03AM thinking did I say something wrong? Did I miss something important?

1:45 And if you've ever woken up at 02: Is this person annoyed with me? Why can't I just switch off?

1:51 And if you've ever woken up at 02: Then this episode is you.

1:55 And if you've ever woken up at 02: And before we go any further, let's make something very clear.

2:00 And if you've ever woken up at 02: You are not weak. You are not broken.

2:05 And if you've ever woken up at 02: You're not failing at being calm.

2:08 And if you've ever woken up at 02: The thing is your Nervous System is doing what nervous systems are supposed to do when they've been under pressure for far too long.

2:19 And if you've ever woken up at 02: It scans, it rehearses, it predicts, it tries to regain control.

2:27 And if you've ever woken up at 02: Unfortunately, it

2:29 Speaker 1: often chooses the worst possible time to do it because your Nervous System, believe it or not, has no respect for business hours. So today, we're going

2:42 Speaker 0: to look at why Work Anxiety gets louder at night,

2:47 Speaker 1: why Overthinking can feel like responsibility in disguise and more importantly, what you can do instead of trying to resolve your entire work life under your due bay. Okay? Now,

3:08 Speaker 0: let's just keep it to the point, because if you're tired and wired, you don't need a 12 module training program

3:17 Speaker 1: for your brain at midnight.

3:19 Speaker 1: You just need something you can actually remember.

3:24 I kinda know the 02: 03AM brain.

3:28 I kinda know the 02: I know the version of your mind that suddenly becomes incredibly productive at the least helpful time of day.

3:37 I kinda know the 02: The 1 that starts preparing imaginary conversations, you know, the 1 that drafts emails you absolutely are not going to send, you know, the 1

3:50 Speaker 0: that replays something you said in a meeting

3:53 Speaker 1: and then cross examines you like you committed treason and I've done it myself, I've

4:01 Speaker 0: done

4:02 Speaker 1: that thing where you're there thinking, lying there thinking, right, I just need to work this out so that I can relax And then the thing is, you don't relax.

4:15 Speaker 1: You become even more awake, more tense and even more convinced that you should be doing something, which sometimes feels quite

4:25 ridiculous, doesn't it? Because it's like 02: 03 a. M.

4:30 ridiculous, doesn't it? Because it's like 02: So let's see what we can do, and yet, we're in that situation where your mind behaves as though this is the most important decision that you need to make.

4:43 ridiculous, doesn't it? Because it's like 02: That is not the moment to handle things I don't believe.

4:48 ridiculous, doesn't it? Because it's like 02: This is why, I think for so many women, especially High Functioning Women, where we get caught out because Overthinking feels often as like we're being the responsible 1.

5:01 ridiculous, doesn't it? Because it's like 02: It feels as though you're being thorough. If you're

5:03 Speaker 0: like me, I like being thorough.

5:05 Speaker 1: It feels like you're staying ahead of things.

5:08 Speaker 1: It feels like you think you're thinking hard enough and long enough, and you might actually prepare something from actually going wrong. And that's the trap.

5:22 Speaker 1: That's the trap we all fall into because Work Anxiety often disguises itself as preparation.

5:30 Speaker 1: It says, if you replay the conversation just 1 more time, you'll be safe, Or if you stay alert, nothing can catch you out, no siree.

5:43 Speaker 1: But the body experiences that, all those feelings, as a threat.

5:49 Speaker 1: So while part of you thinks, I am just thinking this through, your Nervous System hears danger or something's wrong, so you need to stay awake. It's almost like you're stuck in this loop.

6:05 Speaker 1: You're exhausted, but you're alert.

6:07 Speaker 1: You're tired, but you're wired.

6:10 Speaker 1: You're desperate to sleep, but mentally, you're chairing a meeting nobody asks for.

6:17 Speaker 1: And that's the really painful bit because then you start kind of blaming yourself for things.

6:23 Speaker 1: I should be better at coping, you say to yourself. No.

6:28 Speaker 1: Let's not do that. Shame is not a sleep aid.

6:33 Speaker 1: If shame worked, half this country would be peaceful, peacefully

6:39 unconscious at 9, what, 09: 30PM?

6:43 unconscious at 9, what, 09: What's happening here is not a character flaw, it's a kind of pattern that you've kind of got yourself into.

6:50 unconscious at 9, what, 09: Your mind is trying to close, your body is trying to detect risk, your Nervous System is trying to do what it's supposed to do, which is protect you.

7:00 unconscious at 9, what, 09: The problem is it's confused Reflection with Rumination.

7:06 unconscious at 9, what, 09: The thing is, the way that I see it, Reflection helps you learn, but Rumination keeps you in that perpetual trap.

7:15 unconscious at 9, what, 09: Reflection says, what happened, what matters, and what we can do next?

7:21 unconscious at 9, what, 09: While Rumination says, let's replay this from 17 different angles until your jaw hurts. Very different experiences.

7:30 unconscious at 9, what, 09: But the thing is, 1 actually creates clarity, while the other 1 creates some sort of mental courtroom.

7:39 Speaker 0: So what do we do with all of this?

7:42 Speaker 1: Well, first, we need to stop treating that 02: 03 a. M.

7:46 Speaker 1: Well, first, we need to stop treating that 02: Spiral as a problem to solve with more thinking.

7:51 Speaker 1: Well, first, we need to stop treating that 02: More thinking isn't gonna cull it, I'm afraid.

7:54 Speaker 1: Well, first, we need to stop treating that 02: More thinking is like petrol, being petrol on a fire, especially at night, especially when you're tired, your brain is not at its best for complex problem solving, it just ain't.

8:09 Speaker 1: Well, first, we need to stop treating that 02: It means the time is poor, there may be real issues at work, there may be unclear expectations, too much demand, weak boundaries, difficult relationships, and yes, those things do

8:24 matter, but lying there at 02: 03AM is usually not where those things get properly resolved. If anything, they get magnified.

8:34 matter, but lying there at 02: A small uncertainty somehow becomes a catastrophe.

8:39 matter, but lying there at 02: An awkward conversation becomes evidence that you've ruined your day or your work life.

8:45 matter, but lying there at 02: Very traumatic, very convincing, but not very helpful, in fact, very unhelpful.

8:53 matter, but lying there at 02: So the first shift, I think, should be you don't have to believe every story that your brain tells you at night.

9:02 matter, but lying there at 02: You can respect the signal without obeying the spiral.

9:08 matter, but lying there at 02: You can respect it, and you can make a very, what I would say, important distinction. Something in me feels unsettled.

9:23 matter, but lying there at 02: I listened rather than I must now mentally solve everything right now. We're not gonna do that. We're going to do calm first.

9:35 So here is your 02: 03AM night shift reset.

9:42 So here is your 02: You can use this if you wake up at night or any time where you're just lying there and you're unable to switch off from work.

9:54 So here is your 02: What I would like you to do is I put it in 3 parts, name it, anchor it, park it. So step 1, name it.

10:04 So here is your 02: You can quietly say to yourself or even out loud, I like saying things out loud because I'm a bit weird, but you can say it quietly, This is a Nervous System moment.

10:17 So here is your 02: Not, I'm being ridiculous, here we go again, what's wrong with me? No, just, This is a Nervous System moment.

10:27 So here is your 02: Now the thing is, that 1 sentence matters because it moves you out of self blame into a position of observation.

10:36 So here is your 02: You are not the problem, you're just noticing.

10:39 So here is your 02: You're just noticing. Step number 2, anchor it.

10:44 So here is your 02: Bring your attention to your body.

10:48 Speaker 0: You can keep your eyes open or closed, whatever's easiest for you, because you're in control, and place 1 hand on your chest or on your stomach

10:57 Speaker 1: where it feels comfortable, and then take 5 long, slow, deep exhales.

11:06 Speaker 1: 5 long, slow, deep exhales, not dramatic breathing, just inhale gently, exhale for a little longer, that's right, and do it 5 times.

11:22 Speaker 1: And as you do that, you can let your shoulders drop, That's right.

11:30 Speaker 1: 1 centimeter will do it, and the Nervous System learns through that small signal that there's safety there. That's right.

11:44 Speaker 1: Now part 3, park it. Now say to yourself, not now.

11:51 Speaker 1: I will look at this in daylight. That's right. Not now.

11:58 Speaker 1: I will look at this in daylight.

12:00 Speaker 1: And if you want to, keep a notebook nearby and write that 1 sentence, that 1 line, I will deal with this tomorrow, just 1 line, you know, no big thing, just 1 line.

12:15 Speaker 1: For example, I'll clarify that deadline with my manager, I'll check the actual facts about the meeting, then close the notebook and that will tell your brain, actually, I have captured that signal, you don't need to keep shouting, because that's all your Nervous System is saying to you.

12:37 Speaker 1: It's just signaling something to you and you've given it the requisite time, the requisite attention, and it can safely now go back to being observant.

12:52 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: name it, anchor it, park it. And that repeated pattern builds familiarity.

13:04 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: Familiarity builds safety.

13:07 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: Safety creates more choices, and that's how it works.

13:13 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: So now, a quick distinction that matters is something like relief and restoration.

13:25 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: Okay, now relief and restoration are not the same thing.

13:30 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: Relief is when the spiral drops by, I don't know, 5%, whereas restoration is where your system starts trusting that it doesn't have to stay on alert all night.

13:47 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: So I suppose it's like a relief versus restoration moment, where relief might be, okay, I'm still awake, but I don't have to panic here. And that counts.

14:04 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: Restoration is built over time, and like I said, through repetition, creating clearer boundaries, clearer work patterns for yourself, better support, maybe learning how to stop turning your bedroom into a boardroom, okay?

14:24 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: We're not aiming for perfection here, not at all.

14:27 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: What we're doing is we're aiming for a Nervous System that starts to realize that the bedroom is where rest happens, and it can say to itself, I can rest now and I can deal with work in work time.

14:44 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: Now, that's not laziness. To me, that's recovery.

14:49 But it gives your Nervous System a repeatable pattern: So here's what I want you to take away from this episode if you take away anything, is that your brain doesn't start doing night

14:59 shifts at 02: 03AM, okay?

15:03 shifts at 02: And if it does, it doesn't mean that you're fanning, it just means that your system is trying to create safety for you through control.

15:13 shifts at 02: And the problem is that Rumination doesn't create safety, it creates more activation in your brain.

15:20 shifts at 02: So tonight, if Work Anxiety starts looping, don't argue with it for 3 hours, okay? Tryna control it. Name it, anchor it, park it.

15:35 shifts at 02: Name it, this is a Nervous System moment, anchor it 5 long, slow, deep breaths, park it.

15:46 shifts at 02: Not now, I'll look at you in daylight because you're allowed to rest before everything is resolved, You are allowed to put work down, and

15:59 Speaker 0: you are allowed to stop

16:00 Speaker 1: treating exhaustion

16:02 Speaker 0: as evidence that you care. Okay.

16:06 Speaker 0: So if this episode has helped you in any way, please follow the podcast. The link is in the show notes.

16:15 Speaker 0: Following the podcast helps you find the next episode.

16:19 Speaker 0: Really easy.

16:21 Speaker 0: And, you know the reason why I do this podcast is that I want to help women deal with Work Anxiety, overwhelm and stress.

16:30 Speaker 0: So I just want to say thank you for listening to Work Stress Anxiety by ABGW.

16:38 Speaker 0: I'm Cheryl and this is your reminder that you don't have to solve your entire life in the dark.

16:46 Speaker 0: Remember every step you take no matter how small is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future.

16:52 Speaker 0: So trust in your journey and remember progress is progress no matter the pace. Bye for now.