Burnout in Women: Why Pushing Through Is Not Recovery

Speaker 0: Hi. Burnout in

Speaker 1: women doesn't always look like falling apart, which is what you expect when you see that someone's burnt out.

Speaker 1: Sometimes I think it looks like, answering emails.

Speaker 1: Sometimes it looks like remembering

Speaker 0: school forms, the birthday cards, the meeting notes, the milk, the deadlines, small small domestic admin task that's apparently only become invisible to other people in the house after you have lost the will. Yes, sometimes Burnout looks like being capable.

Speaker 0: I suppose. Organized, reliable, strong, which is lovely yeah?

Speaker 0: In the same way as being described as a low maintenance girlfriend can sometimes mean we have worked out that we can ask more and more and more of you without kicking in.

Speaker 0: So today, we're talking about burn burning out in women.

Speaker 0: More specifically, the High Functioning Burnout.

Speaker 0: The kind where you are still doing all those things, you're still showing up, you're still replying to emails, you're still managing your team, you're still swanning in meetings, but emotionally, you've left the building.

Speaker 0: But professionally, somehow, you're still committed to tingles.

Speaker 0: And privately, yes, you feel hollowed out. You wake up tired.

Speaker 0: You go to bed even more tired. You can't switch off properly.

Speaker 0: You just feel guilty for needing to rest.

Speaker 0: You dread small tasks that used to be normal.

Speaker 0: Maybe you can catch yourself thinking, If I stop, everything will just fall apart so I can't keep pushing through, and that's not recovery.

Speaker 0: As you know, coping is not the same as healing, and a weekend off, while it's lovely, is not gonna rebuild your nervous system, not in the way that you've been treating it like an unpaid part of your infrastructure for years.

Speaker 0: Yes, we're talking about Burnout.

Speaker 0: And I'm Cheryl, I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and Stress Recovery coach, and this is Work Stress Anxiety by ABGW.

Speaker 0: This podcast is for you if you're a high functioning woman dealing with Work Stress, work anxiety, Burnout Overwhelm, Emotional Exhaustion, and the strange modern sport of pretending everything is okay while your body is quietly filing a complaint.

Speaker 0: Here, we do calm 1st, reality 1st, then change.

Speaker 0: I am not interested in toxic positivity. In fact, I run from it.

Speaker 0: I'm not here to talk about resilience, like, as if we're in the Grand Theater. I'm not interested in just pushing through.

Speaker 0: If that's what you're interested in, you need to listen to another podcast because honestly, if pushing through has worked, half of us would be levitating by now, seriously.

Speaker 0: So just wanna bring you back to something that made me think about this the other day.

Speaker 0: Before COVID, 1 of the reasons I liked going into the office was very honest and not especially glamorous, but it was 1 of the reasons why I did like going into the office.

Speaker 0: It gave me a reason to go to the gym, and I'm quite an early bird, so it meant going to the gym early.

Speaker 0: And I'd get there about 5, half 5, before work, you know, the trains and everything else starts, you know, before the inbox starts humming you back to reality, right?

Speaker 0: And at that time of the morning, there are no instructors floating around telling people what to do.

Speaker 0: It's just people training hard before the day's begun, you know?

Speaker 0: But there was something I noticed because I'm a coach, you know, I kinda tried to notice things, and some of the most fittest people in there were doing the same intensive routine every morning as if rest days were for amateurs.

Speaker 0: And you know, the problem is muscles don't grow through constant output. Muscles grow during rest, during the recovery period.

Speaker 0: And if you train hard every day without repair, your performance drops. It's it's just a matter of time, you know?

Speaker 0: Your body gets stiff and cranky, injuries start creeping in, and eventually something has to give.

Speaker 0: And I remember thinking later, this is exactly why so many high functioning women are expected to do emotionally.

Speaker 0: They don't have no rest days, they don't have any real recovery, no proper pauses, they just keep producing, producing, producing.

Speaker 0: They keep caring, they keep leading, they keep absorbing, they keep remembering, they keep managing everyone else's deadlines, moods, preferences, you name it, and those tiny little eruptions that other people have.

Speaker 0: And then when the body starts protesting, we all call it weakness. No. It's not weakness.

Speaker 0: This is a system sending some overdue invoices, ladies.

Speaker 0: Your nervous system is not spare equipment.

Speaker 0: It's your infrastructure.

Speaker 0: Come on now, it's as if you've been running in high alert mode too long.

Speaker 0: It will not and then you expect your body to recover because you had 1 bath or you had 1 sleep in until Sunday afternoon.

Speaker 0: You know? Come on. Helpful? Having those little mini pauses?

Speaker 0: Yeah? A complete recovery plan? I don't think so.

Speaker 0: It's a bit like watering a plant once after keeping it in the cupboard for 2 years and then calling that horticulture.

Speaker 0: It's not gonna work, is it? Come on now.

Speaker 0: And this is where so, I think, so many women get caught out because Burnout in women is often missed.

Speaker 0: Not because women are some sort of mysterious creatures who can't be understood without, I don't know, some weird moonlight phrase going on, but because High Functioning Burnout and this is what I'm specifically talking about here, High Functioning Burnout doesn't always look dramatic from the outside.

Speaker 0: People see what you produce.

Speaker 0: They don't see what it's costing you.

Speaker 0: They see that polished email that you've sent, but they don't see

you waking up at 02: 03AM.

you waking up at 02: They see that calm, meeting voice that you've been practicing for years, but they don't see the tight jaw, the muscles in your stomach dropping, your breath that never quite settles, or even that private moment in the car where going inside feels weirdly impossible. The thing is, most people see you coping.

you waking up at 02: They don't don't see you disappearing.

you waking up at 02: And because you're still functioning, guess what?

you waking up at 02: Everyone assumes you are fine, including yourself, which is very convenient for absolutely everyone except you and your body.

you waking up at 02: To me, High Functioning Burnout can sound like If I take my foot off the gas, everything will implode, or Everyone thinks I'm fine, but they don't see what it's costing me.

you waking up at 02: And that 1 last thing is so important because competency is such a beautiful camouflage.

you waking up at 02: You become so good, so so good at holding it all together that people stop noticing you.

you waking up at 02: Genuinely, they stop noticing you, and they stop noticing that you're holding something really heavy.

you waking up at 02: Then you start blaming yourself for feeling exhausted.

you waking up at 02: You start telling yourself, Come on, I should be stronger.

you waking up at 02: I should be grateful. Come on. I should be able to handle this.

you waking up at 02: You should be able to rest properly, except that you're not, your brain starts doing admin, threat scanning, you know, the emotional stuff at some sort of Olympic level, and this is where Burnout gets really, really nasty.

you waking up at 02: It does not just make you tired, It can start eroding your very self, your very sense of yourself.

you waking up at 02: You stop doing things that feel like you.

you waking up at 02: You stop enjoying what you used to enjoy.

you waking up at 02: You become so functionally flat. Present, but not really there.

you waking up at 02: Responsible, yeah, but you're so resentful because of it.

you waking up at 02: Capable, but really and truly just wanna vanish.

you waking up at 02: You just wanna disappear.

you waking up at 02: The thing is, please understand, you're not broken, you're not weak, you are definitely not deficient, you're depleted, and there is a big difference there.

you waking up at 02: So here is what I'd like you to think.

you waking up at 02: This is what I would say my reality 1st bit.

you waking up at 02: Burnout recovery for women can't just mean, I want to feel a bit better and then return to the same furnace that was causing all that burning out.

you waking up at 02: A weekend might help you pause, a day off might lower the volume, even taking a walk might help your body discharge some of that stress.

you waking up at 02: And I love barbs and they're very pleasant, especially if nobody knocks the door asking for something, but temporary relief is not the same as restoration. Relief says, I feel a little less awful.

you waking up at 02: I'm talking about restoration.

you waking up at 02: Restoration, my system is rebuilding capacity, and capacity is the word we need here, Because Burnout recovery is not just about resting more I wish it was it's about rebuilding enough capacity.

you waking up at 02: Capacity in your life, no longer draining you faster than you can recover.

you waking up at 02: That means looking at the whole picture, yeah, not just 1 part of your life, it's about looking at your workload.

you waking up at 02: Yeah, I know we're all under a lot of stress, but you still need to look at your workload, sleep, Boundaries, any emotional labor that's going on, the dreaded Perfectionism, the people pleasing, your role pressure, support, any signals that your body is sending you that it's stress, and the way you keep overriding yourself because stopping might feel dangerous.

you waking up at 02: And it's not about blaming you, it's about telling the truth, because Burnout loves the fog.

you waking up at 02: Burnout loves the vague crazies like, oh, I'm just tired, or I'll be fine after the weekend.

you waking up at 02: I'll just need to get through this month and I'll be fine.

you waking up at 02: And yes, sometimes you do need to get through a rough week.

you waking up at 02: I'm not saying that you shouldn't, but if every week becomes the week you've just had to get through, that's not a busy patch, okay?

you waking up at 02: That is a lifestyle that's turning into something that's hazardous for you and your body.

you waking up at 02: Try some more honest language instead.

you waking up at 02: My workload is exceeding my recovery capacity, or I'm using weekends to recover just enough to repeat the same damage the following week.

you waking up at 02: I need to reduce demand and increase the support in myself.

you waking up at 02: And that last sentence, I need to reduce demand and increase support, is really important.

you waking up at 02: Burnout recovery is not just about adding, you know, nice things, it's about reducing what keeps burning you out and increasing what helps you recover.

you waking up at 02: So yeah, a bath is great, a lovely candlelit bath is great, but it's not gonna save you if your entire life is like a bonfire.

you waking up at 02: Okay, so let's do a practical micro step here.

you waking up at 02: Not just, it's not an overhaul, okay? Okay?

you waking up at 02: But let's just try this.

you waking up at 02: For the next 7 days, just for the next 7 days, I want you to track any Burnout signals that your body's giving you.

you waking up at 02: You can just do it once a day, that's fine.

you waking up at 02: I want you to use these 3 headings, though.

Put it in your notebook: body, mind, behavior.

Put it in your notebook: Body, mind, behavior.

Put it in your notebook: What I want you to do, under body, I just want you to notice any physical signals that you might be experiencing.

Put it in your notebook: That might be your jaw is tense or you have tight shoulders, you find that you have shallow breathing, your stomach just feels weird, headaches, fatigue, waking up in the middle of the night, feeling completely wired, having your body want to sleep but your brain just wants to keep on going those are the things to note, the physical signals under body.

Put it in your notebook: Then under mind, notice 1 thought pattern, and this might be dread or guilt or I can't stop or I should be coping, I'm failing, everything's gonna fall apart, something like that.

Put it in your notebook: Just notice that 1 thought pattern.

Put it in your notebook: Remember, you're only doing this once a day, okay?

Put it in your notebook: So it's about setting the intention at the beginning and noticing these things.

Put it in your notebook: So notice under your body, notice that physical signal might be more than 1 under mind, notice that 1 reoccurring thought pattern.

Put it in your notebook: And under behavior, notice 1 coping pattern that you have.

Put it in your notebook: It might be you say yes to everything.

Put it in your notebook: Maybe it's that you're constantly outside having a cigarette, or maybe that you just spend your time doomscrolling, or canceling things that you actually need to do, or even just skipping lunch.

Put it in your notebook: Yeah, just sitting at your desk and not even having a break for 8 hours, or pretending that you're fine because it's quicker than just being honest.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: The smallest thing that would reduce demand or increase support today is I'll just repeat that.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: The smallest thing that would reduce demand or increase support today is and answer it.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Answer that question not perfectly, not dramatically, just honestly, just be honest.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: It could be the smallest thing that would reduce demand today is delay my reply to that email until tomorrow.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Or it could be something like this, the smallest thing that would increase support today is telling my partner, I need 20 minutes alone before I even start dinner tonight.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Or it could be, The smallest thing that would increase support today is booking that GP appointment, or speaking to a therapist, or asking someone appropriate for help.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: This is not about self surveillance, okay?

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: This is about information, and information gives you choices.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Burnout thrives in the space where everything is vague.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: So what we need to do is make things visible.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Relief So is where you feel better for a little while restoration is where your capacity actually starts to build.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Relief might be a quiet evening at home, a bath, a walk, watching a funny program, a decent night's sleep, a day when nobody asks you to locate the objects that they cannot find.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Relief matters, of course, it's not silly and it's not shallow, but relief becomes a problem when we mistake it for recovery because then you're just getting enough energy to go back to do the same old pattern again, just enough sleep to keep performing, just enough space to convince yourself the problem is handled.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: No, we're not doing that because you're not failing.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Your nervous system has a pause, not a recovery plan.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: So when you ask, why am I burning out again?

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: The answer may be because you recovered just enough to resume the damage. We're into restoration here.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: So the 1 thing I'd like you to take away, if anything, from this episode is that Burnout in women is not always obvious, especially in us high functioning gals.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Burnout is proof that you are coping.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: It may simply mean that you've become very, very good at performing while you're depleted.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: And you don't need a dramatic breakdown before you're allowed to take what your body's telling you seriously.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: So start early, notice, rest, ask early, adjust earlier.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Document earlier.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: If work pressure is part of the problem, start seeking appropriate help.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Remember, this is an intelligent maintenance of the very thing that keeps you going, you being a human being.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Your human infrastructure, and yes, I know, human infrastructure is not as glamorous as limitless potential, but frankly, limitless potential has terrible Boundaries, and I'm not interested in those.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: If this episode has helped you feel a little less alone in Work Stress, please follow the podcast. The link is in the show notes.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Why I always forget to say that, I have no idea.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Follow the podcast means that the next episode, you can find it without having to remember yet again.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: So today, please, please, please do 1 small thing, track that 1 Burnout signal, just delay 1 automatic yes, eat a proper lunch, ask 1 clear boundary of yourself, do 1 of my 5 minute resets.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: You're not broken, you're just overloaded.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: So remember, calm 1st, reality 1st, then change.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Because recovery is required because you're a human being.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: And remember, every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Trust in your journey and remember, progress is progress no matter the pace.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: I'm Cheryl and this has been Work Stress Anxiety by ABGW.

Then what I want you to do is write 1 sentence: Bye for now!

Burnout in Women: Why Pushing Through Is Not Recovery

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