Why Anxiety Strikes Without Warning | Work Stress Recovery Explained

Welcome And The Big Question

0:22 SPEAKER_00: Hi, it's Cheryl here and welcome to Work Stress Anxiety.

0:28 SPEAKER_00: You know, one of the most helpful things Elka says in this conversation is that anxiety like I love that we always train somehow we're not properly.

0:58 SPEAKER_00: But what if anxiety is sometimes just information?

1:04 SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.

1:12 SPEAKER_00: Hi, it's Cheryl here and welcome to work stress and anxiety.

1:17 SPEAKER_00: Really glad you could join us today.

1:20 SPEAKER_00: And guess what?

1:21 SPEAKER_00: I have a brilliant guest with me.

1:23 SPEAKER_00: Welcome, Elka.

1:24 SPEAKER_00: Hi Cheryl, happy to be here.

1:26 SPEAKER_00: Excellent.

1:28 SPEAKER_00: Really glad that you're with us today.

1:31 SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about why anxiety can feel like it's come out of nowhere.

1:38 SPEAKER_00: So um, Elka, I myself um experienced anxiety quite badly when I was uh in my late teens, and I didn't know it was called anxiety at the time.

Cheryl’s First Experience Of Anxiety

1:53 SPEAKER_00: Um I just thought I was uh a little bit odd, if I'm honest.

1:57 SPEAKER_00: Um and I remember thinking because um I've always been quite an outgoing kind of person, um, and people always assumed that I was outgoing, and I kind of because people told me I was outgoing, I assume that's what it I was.

2:14 SPEAKER_00: But I remember my mum saying to me one day, she said, You used to be such a happy-go-lucky kind of girl.

2:22 SPEAKER_00: What's what's happened to you?

2:24 SPEAKER_00: And it was really weird because when she said that to me, I was I was really confused.

2:29 SPEAKER_00: Um I felt kind of hurt, um and I didn't actually ask her what she meant.

2:35 SPEAKER_00: I just went away and thought, um, there's something wrong with me.

2:39 SPEAKER_00: Um, so what I wanted to ask you was can you help explain the difference between fear, anxiety, and stress, especially in terms of uh for my listeners who are experiencing they're high-functioning women, so they tick all the boxes of being able to do everything that people expect them to do, but they may be experiencing work stress or work anxiety, and they're not sure what it is they're experiencing.

3:17 SPEAKER_01: Yes, well, one of the things that you mentioned, and I'd like to echo, is I felt growing up that I was hiding a big secret because I didn't feel well.

3:30 SPEAKER_01: And yeah, and I think um anxiety, and well, let's just define some of the terms just to create some understanding because sometimes it gets mixed up.

3:42 SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting too, is I want to make this really easy and understandable.

3:49 SPEAKER_01: So we don't need to diagnose, we could just need to know we're not feeling well, and anxiety can be quite tiring as well.

3:58 SPEAKER_01: It it's it's emotionally draining.

Fear Vs Anxiety With A Skunk

4:00 SPEAKER_01: So, how anxiety is different than fear?

4:04 SPEAKER_01: Fear is something that's happening to you, and you've got to act.

4:11 SPEAKER_01: So I use an example, I live in the country, and I'm not sure, do you have skunks?

4:19 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we have we we don't have skunks, but we have something very, very similar.

4:23 SPEAKER_00: Yes.

4:23 SPEAKER_00: Really?

4:24 SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.

4:24 SPEAKER_01: Okay.

4:25 SPEAKER_01: Well, skunks can really make you smell bad, and um, they're usually not around in the daytime.

4:31 SPEAKER_01: And I was walking uh on our country road and a skunk started to chase me.

4:38 SPEAKER_01: And I assumed it was a female.

4:40 SPEAKER_01: She was thumping, which means she's about to spray, and uh, you want to get out of there.

4:46 SPEAKER_01: And I I must have came upon her den as the only thing, and that's why I think she was a female, that she was protecting her young.

4:54 SPEAKER_01: Um, anyhow, I so that's real fear.

4:59 SPEAKER_01: You've got to do something and act.

5:02 SPEAKER_01: And so where it changes, though, is ever since then, and that's been years, however, probably the first few weeks after that, while I was on that road, I had anticipatory anxiety.

5:18 SPEAKER_01: And and anxiety is anticipating that that skunk might come out.

5:23 SPEAKER_01: So it hasn't happened, and it hasn't.

5:26 SPEAKER_01: Um, that it wasn't there.

5:29 SPEAKER_01: So anxiety is anticipatory, and this is where we can actually befriend anxiety, that it's actually an opportunity because it's tapping us on the shoulder and saying, hey, you got to pay attention to something.

5:42 SPEAKER_01: So if you find that you're anxious about, and we're we'll talk a little bit more about uh when I talk about these terms, is maybe it's about money, like you wake up and you're worried.

5:55 SPEAKER_01: Well, that's a signal to look at your finances and sort something out.

6:02 SPEAKER_01: Maybe there's a bill, you missed or something you need to take care of.

6:06 SPEAKER_01: So anxiety is is kind of again tapping us on the shoulder, or maybe you have some aches and pains.

6:12 SPEAKER_01: It's saying, hey, maybe you should go have that checked out.

6:16 SPEAKER_01: So worry, worry, they all kind of come along and hit your ride.

6:23 SPEAKER_01: Worry actually comes from the English word rigon, which means to strangle.

Anxiety As A Tap On Shoulder

6:31 SPEAKER_01: And so worry is uh some people call it negative uh meditation.

6:37 SPEAKER_01: It's not useful because worry tends to be repetitive.

6:44 SPEAKER_01: And it's and again, if we can just take that first concern and then listen to it, then it becomes something useful.

6:53 SPEAKER_01: If we let it kind of run around our heads, it actually is draining.

6:58 SPEAKER_01: So thinking about, you know, it's kind of like being aware of your thoughts and uh and aware of your body.

7:05 SPEAKER_01: So then we get on to um the definition of what does anxiety mean?

7:13 SPEAKER_01: So it's this nervousness.

7:16 SPEAKER_01: We talk about unease, like not just feeling quite right.

7:20 SPEAKER_01: Um, sometimes there's an ailment that comes with it, which I'll give a list.

7:25 SPEAKER_01: And it could be some apprehension, uh, maybe just feeling like this tension and angst and this unsettledness, twitchiness that um we call anxiety.

7:38 SPEAKER_01: And here's here's the fun part.

7:41 SPEAKER_01: So, people, when I've done talks, people have said, what's the difference between stress and anxiety?

7:48 SPEAKER_01: And you know what?

7:49 SPEAKER_01: We don't have to worry.

7:51 SPEAKER_01: Uh here's a I'm using that word, we don't have to concern ourselves with trying to figure out if it's one or the other.

7:58 SPEAKER_01: Because here's anxiety can come as that butterfly in the stomach, right?

8:05 SPEAKER_01: And that could even be excitement.

8:07 SPEAKER_01: It could be wanting to eat, stress eat, or not feeling hungry at all.

8:12 SPEAKER_01: So it's like it could be feeling super tired or not being able to sleep, and you're just going, oh my gosh, um, it it could be weight loss, it could be weight gain, uh, it could be obsessive-compulsive uh habits.

8:30 SPEAKER_01: So when we're feeling this um unease, and I know we're gonna talk about it uh more in the uh second episode, but we want to look at all right, what's where is this coming from?

8:46 SPEAKER_01: What what am I experiencing?

8:49 SPEAKER_01: And this is why it can be such a mystery because it can be different.

8:55 SPEAKER_01: It can be different for you as it is for me.

8:58 SPEAKER_01: Um, some anxiety isn't so bad, and um it it also affects us, right?

Worry Loops And Body Awareness

9:05 SPEAKER_01: So if it's affecting us in a negative way, we really want to deal with it.

9:10 SPEAKER_00: Cool.

9:11 SPEAKER_00: Now, why do you think as you know, as as we sit here talking, I'm just curious to know why why do you think um anxiety can be so random?

9:23 SPEAKER_00: You know, um you talk about the experience that you had, that and and anticip anticipatory is that the right way to say it?

9:32 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, anticipating something's gonna happen.

9:35 SPEAKER_00: Um, so you get those those emotions, um, those you know, coming through.

9:42 SPEAKER_00: But I can be doing something that I've done maybe a hundred times before and been quite happy and safe.

9:52 SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden I'll go to do something, and I get that those feelings, that tightness in the chest, or the feeling um I know that's what a lot of people get, but when I'm feeling anxious, the first thing I notice is that all of a sudden it's like I can't breathe deeply.

10:12 SPEAKER_00: If I try to breathe, it's almost like half my lung capacity is just suddenly gone, and then it's almost then I know I'm feeling anxious.

10:21 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

10:22 SPEAKER_00: So just thinking about that, why does it feel so random?

10:26 SPEAKER_00: What do you what do you think that is underneath that?

10:29 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I hear you.

10:30 SPEAKER_01: That's how I used to feel that it was random and that it's this mystery.

10:35 SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that I do in I in my books of the Anxiety Warrior series, I have a checklist where you can just go through um these causes.

10:48 SPEAKER_01: And it sounds, it isn't complicated.

10:51 SPEAKER_01: There's 11 places where it comes from.

10:54 SPEAKER_01: And and so here's the interesting thing is you want to understand your body.

Stress Vs Anxiety And Common Signs

11:00 SPEAKER_01: It's like you had, you know, you said, I have this experience, I've done this so many times.

11:06 SPEAKER_01: Where did it come from?

11:08 SPEAKER_01: Well, that's why it like I really made it um a mission to find out because sometimes anxiety would come and go within seconds or minutes, and sometimes it was there all morning where I felt like uh for me, it was I wanted to vomit.

11:27 SPEAKER_01: Um, I felt sick to my stomach.

11:29 SPEAKER_01: I did sometimes get chest pains, not often.

11:33 SPEAKER_01: Uh and so yeah, you want to find out where it's going from.

11:36 SPEAKER_01: So, what you want to do is support yourself.

11:40 SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it could be that you needed some water, or maybe your nervous system, like we're so connected, and it's interesting.

11:49 SPEAKER_01: It could have been something that you were feeling from somebody else, even not even you.

11:54 SPEAKER_01: And that is possible that we can pick up that um anxiety from um other people, and whether it's in an office or in traffic or a city.

12:06 SPEAKER_01: And so, what we want to do, and there are strategies for all of these things that are simple, and uh, you don't have to buy fancy equipment.

12:15 SPEAKER_01: There are things you can learn.

12:17 SPEAKER_01: And the good news is you can protect yourself so that you're not picking up on some of these things.

12:23 SPEAKER_01: And the other thing is, you know, you can have um water is a great way to help calm your body because when we're dehydrated, we're already the brain is sending signals of anxiety.

12:38 SPEAKER_01: So um we're gonna talk about these layers.

12:42 SPEAKER_01: Um, and that that it could have been more than one thing is my suspicion um that it just came on.

12:49 SPEAKER_01: And that's what makes it mysterious.

12:51 SPEAKER_01: You're just going, What?

12:53 SPEAKER_01: What just happened here?

12:56 SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, for sure.

12:58 SPEAKER_00: But it even just what you just said, I never I never would have thought about, even though obviously, you know, I understand a lot of how the brain works, but I never would have thought about dehydration.

13:11 SPEAKER_00: It it never even crossed my mind that, you know, in that moment I could have been slightly dehydrated.

Why Anxiety Can Feel Random

13:17 SPEAKER_00: And considering most of us are dehydrated anyway because we don't drink enough water.

13:23 SPEAKER_00: Right.

13:23 SPEAKER_00: And I mean, yeah.

13:25 SPEAKER_01: And especially that's that's just all I was gonna say, especially with this heat, right?

13:31 SPEAKER_01: Um, and here's another thing, Cheryl, is a lot of us, our bodies sweat through the night.

13:37 SPEAKER_01: So you've got to figure, um, you know, I don't know how how people are sleeping.

13:42 SPEAKER_01: I'm a really good sleeper.

13:44 SPEAKER_01: So six to eight hours, you're without anything, you're sweating.

13:49 SPEAKER_01: So then it's likely that you are dehydrated when you wake up.

13:54 SPEAKER_01: So when a client comes and they say, I ask them, one of the things I ask right away is, how do you wake up?

14:00 SPEAKER_01: Oh, I wake up, I'm anxious right away.

14:03 SPEAKER_01: That then I just say, okay, uh, one of the things you want to know is be aware of your thoughts.

14:09 SPEAKER_01: The other is have a little bit of water.

14:11 SPEAKER_01: You don't have to have tons.

14:13 SPEAKER_01: Um, just to give yourself that water, your brain settles down, and a lot of my clients go, Oh my gosh, like I give them a scale and we'll talk about that.

14:23 SPEAKER_01: They'll say, Oh, I wasn't as anxious.

14:27 SPEAKER_01: Just with that water.

14:29 SPEAKER_01: So um, yeah, I I um so the scale.

14:33 SPEAKER_00: That is a brilliant tip.

14:34 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

14:35 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this gorgeous, go ahead.

14:39 SPEAKER_00: No, I was gonna say, just even just having that glass of water by your bedside, or even even if it's not by your bedside in your bedroom, yeah, so that when you wake up, the first thing you actively do is drink some water.

14:55 SPEAKER_00: I mean, most people, I mean, what do they do?

14:57 SPEAKER_00: They wake up in the morning and uh the kettle goes on and they take that stimulant, or they they go to their phone.

15:07 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they don't even think about what their body might need.

15:11 SPEAKER_00: So, no, that's really interesting, and it's something that I am definitely going to adopt because I've never thought of it that way, which is uh which is really interesting.

15:21 SPEAKER_00: That and and I know it's not, it's it's I know it's not just about anxiety, it's about giving your body what it needs, and sometimes we as human beings we've got into this habit of almost ignoring the bodily signals that we're constantly, you know, our brains are giving us all the time because we're more interested in what's going on on our phones, or um, you know, just uh getting up and moaning uh about the fact that we we have to do stuff.

Hydration As A Simple Reset

15:50 SPEAKER_00: So yeah, and then brilliant tip.

15:53 SPEAKER_00: I'm definitely gonna adopt that.

15:54 SPEAKER_01: Thank you.

15:55 SPEAKER_01: I have my uh bedside is an anxiety, I call it my anxiety warrior station.

16:01 SPEAKER_01: So I have water there all the time and I make sure because here's the interesting thing is if we if we feel thirsty, we're already a bit late on drinking the water.

16:13 SPEAKER_01: Not, I don't want to alarm people, it's not you know bad.

16:17 SPEAKER_01: It's just just to be mindful that we do need that hydration.

16:22 SPEAKER_01: And and you're right, even if we're not going to the phone right away, we're going to a stimulant like tea or coffee, which actually depletes our water or our body of water.

16:34 SPEAKER_01: And uh so we want to be mindful that if we are doing caffeine, that we've already given the body some water to hydrate.

16:42 SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, and to be uh mindful of the caffeine, of sugar, chocolate, even um high um, what do I want to say?

16:53 SPEAKER_01: These um like the white carbs that go right into sugar.

16:58 SPEAKER_01: And and so I wanna I want to talk quickly.

17:01 SPEAKER_01: Do I have time to talk about the scale?

17:04 SPEAKER_01: Because I think it's really useful.

17:05 SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely, yes.

17:06 SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

17:07 SPEAKER_01: So, so zero, and this is just a scale, any any person that can count from zero to 10, you can teach them the scale.

17:16 SPEAKER_01: So I'm talking young people too, right?

17:18 SPEAKER_01: Children.

17:19 SPEAKER_01: Um, so zero means no disturbance.

17:24 SPEAKER_01: So that just means I'm okay, I'm calm.

17:28 SPEAKER_01: And then 10, the way I have felt it is you it's like short circuiting.

17:34 SPEAKER_01: When I have anxiety, I can't even put a thought together.

17:37 SPEAKER_01: I'm dysregulated.

17:38 SPEAKER_01: That's a 10.

17:40 SPEAKER_01: And uh, so zero to 10.

17:42 SPEAKER_01: And just so you know, like right, and everybody's number is a little different.

17:45 SPEAKER_01: So that's not not it's not a test.

17:48 SPEAKER_01: I was saying it's not a test.

Caffeine Sugar And Morning Habits

17:50 SPEAKER_01: You just need to be aware of your own numbers.

17:53 SPEAKER_01: And so even right now, I'm not a zero, however, I'm not upset.

17:59 SPEAKER_01: I'm active, awake, and involved in this uh interview.

18:03 SPEAKER_01: So I'm about maybe a one, a 1.5, which is great.

18:08 SPEAKER_01: It just means, you know, I'm not not chilling.

18:11 SPEAKER_01: Like you know what I mean.

18:13 SPEAKER_01: It's not, I'm not like you know, laying on a beach or anything.

18:17 SPEAKER_01: So, so what's really important, and when we talk about where does anxiety come from, and it comes back to your question of, you know, I've done these things a hundred times.

18:28 SPEAKER_01: Where did the anxiety come from?

18:30 SPEAKER_01: Well, maybe being slightly dehydrated, you might have been a one or a two that brought you up to a three.

18:39 SPEAKER_01: Maybe something was going on around you, other people brought you up to a four or five.

18:45 SPEAKER_01: And then it, and then it it could have even been something else, you know, maybe something in the back of your mind, something that was kind of floating around, um, but not in our forefront, brings you up to that seven or eight.

19:01 SPEAKER_01: And so then we're having an anxiety, I want to say an episode or a situation.

19:08 SPEAKER_01: So um, and then we just need to be aware, uh, one, where we're at.

19:14 SPEAKER_01: So it's this awareness, because when you're aware, then you can make changes.

19:18 SPEAKER_01: If you're not aware, how can you change it?

19:21 SPEAKER_01: The other piece is know what your limits are.

19:26 SPEAKER_01: So when somebody's working on my house, I don't know why I'm on guard and I've been like that.

19:34 SPEAKER_01: So I have learned I can only have one thing happening, and I also try not to have my interviews around that.

19:43 SPEAKER_01: So right now I call it peace on earth, nothing's happening.

19:47 SPEAKER_01: I can be totally present with you, and and I'm like that with my clients too, is then I can be totally present.

19:54 SPEAKER_01: I know, right?

The Zero To Ten Anxiety Scale

19:55 SPEAKER_01: So it's like really understand, and and I know in episode two, we're gonna talk about some of these places.

20:03 SPEAKER_01: We can tolerate a lot.

20:05 SPEAKER_01: And if we know what our limits are, like we might just go into the day and say, you know, I'm waiting for test results from my doctor.

20:13 SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna be at a five till I find out.

20:18 SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, then I'm not gonna have a contractor come and work on my property because that's gonna put me too high, right?

20:26 SPEAKER_01: So really just kind of know some of your limits.

20:29 SPEAKER_01: And when when we can kind of protect our bodies, then, and then we'll talk about some other strategies too that we can calm our system.

20:40 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that's really interesting what you say about knowing what your limits are.

20:45 SPEAKER_00: Um, I think uh especially for a lot of us uh women, uh high-functioning women, we uh especially in the workplace, sometimes we're not very good at at setting boundaries.

20:58 SPEAKER_00: And, you know, if you like you say, you know, you could be um, I'm just even thinking about that scale as we're talking, I'm thinking, where am where am I on that scale at right now?

21:10 SPEAKER_00: I'm probably at a one because I'm I'm functioning and I'm talking to you.

21:15 SPEAKER_00: But I also know that most of the time I'm probably walking around at a one, but maybe two or three things that are happening all at the same time.

21:25 SPEAKER_00: I'm already at a six, and then you know, people say to me, Well, Cheryl, I tried to call you, or you, you know, you didn't reply immediately to that email, what's going on?

21:36 SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, um, I'm at my limit, you know, and I need to be honest um about that um with myself, understanding myself enough to know who I am on that scale at any one time and and and being willing to um being willing to share that in a constructive way to say this is not a good time for me right now.

22:00 SPEAKER_00: Actually, I actually have I actually remember saying that to someone.

22:04 SPEAKER_00: This is not a good time for me right now.

22:06 SPEAKER_00: Right.

22:06 SPEAKER_00: Um and them actually look at me as if, you know, what does that mean?

22:12 SPEAKER_00: But I think they even though they they didn't understand, they they did understand that this was just not the right time to answer me something.

22:20 SPEAKER_00: Um and that and I appreciate that's that's really important.

22:23 SPEAKER_00: So I just want to thank you, Erica, for sharing that with us today.

Limits Boundaries And Slippery Slopes

22:29 SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being with me.

22:31 SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, hope um the listeners are gonna start using that scale, even if it's just a little bit.

22:38 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and know it's your own scale.

22:41 SPEAKER_01: So, like, you know, you and I, if we talked about a situation, it might not bother you, but it might bother somebody else or me.

22:50 SPEAKER_01: You put put 10 people in a room and they'd all be different in how they react.

22:54 SPEAKER_01: That's okay.

22:55 SPEAKER_01: Just have to know what it's for you.

22:58 SPEAKER_01: And the other thing is you've got to know where your slippery slope is, you know, like some people can tolerate a lot of stress and they're fine with it.

23:08 SPEAKER_01: They they're they thrive, not me.

23:11 SPEAKER_01: So my slippery slope is a four or five.

23:15 SPEAKER_01: I start pulling out my self-care, which we're gonna talk about.

23:18 SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, so that's really important too.

23:21 SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah.

23:22 SPEAKER_00: So I just want to thank you very much for joining me.

23:25 SPEAKER_00: Thank you.

23:26 SPEAKER_01: Well, you're most welcome.

23:35 SPEAKER_00: One small step you can take today is to try Elkers zero to ten scale.

23:43 SPEAKER_00: Remember to pause and ask yourself, where am I right now?

23:48 SPEAKER_00: Zero means calm, heavy completely over well, short circuit.

Key Takeaway And Next Steps

23:55 SPEAKER_00: And there is no gold stop.