Manage Workplace Anxiety | Stop the Constant Mental Work

0:21 SPEAKER_00: Hi, it's Cheryl here.

0:23 SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Work Stress Anxiety.

0:26 SPEAKER_00: Today I'm joined by Elke and we're talking about how to manage stretch stress and anxiety without making it into a full-time job.

0:36 SPEAKER_00: Hi, it's Cheryl and welcome to Work Stress Anxiety.

Welcome And The Real Problem

0:42 SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you're able to join us for this episode because I have an amazing guest.

0:47 SPEAKER_00: Elke, welcome.

0:48 SPEAKER_00: Hi, thank you.

0:50 SPEAKER_00: Happy to be back.

0:52 SPEAKER_00: So, Elke, what I was hoping to talk today today is how to manage anxiety in such a way that we're not spending all our time, you know, treating it like a full-time job, you know, paying so much attention to it that it's running our lives.

1:08 SPEAKER_00: And particularly in the the workplace, you know, where we're always, you know, we've got maybe have work anxiety or you know, we're we're feeling a bit stressed and we're running around trying to rush to do everything.

1:24 SPEAKER_00: Can you can you help?

1:25 SPEAKER_00: Um can you help my listeners who may have identified possible sources of their anxiety, what they should do next?

1:35 SPEAKER_01: Right.

1:36 SPEAKER_01: So one of the things that we talked about is protecting yourself and supporting yourself and your system.

1:44 SPEAKER_01: And that would include uh water.

1:47 SPEAKER_01: So making sure that you've got ample water with you all day and wherever you go.

1:54 SPEAKER_01: And the other thing is breathing.

Water Breathing And The Vagus Nerve

1:59 SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna come back to the vagus nerve, which we didn't really talk about.

2:03 SPEAKER_01: It's the largest nerve that's going through your body.

2:06 SPEAKER_01: So it goes right from your neck down around your shoulders all the way down.

2:12 SPEAKER_01: Um, and it goes behind your uh esophagus and um around your stomach.

2:19 SPEAKER_01: So that's why a lot of these anxiety symptoms are tension, headache, having trouble to speak, um, not feeling well, this nauseousness, the tummy, the heart.

2:31 SPEAKER_01: So, what we want to do is give messages to the vagus nerve on a physical level.

2:38 SPEAKER_01: So it's interesting when we're out of our minds in anxiety, and then someone says slow down and breathe, like honestly, I'd rather punch a wall or put my head through a door or something.

2:53 SPEAKER_01: So we've got to go at it a little more gradual.

2:57 SPEAKER_01: And also, so the water that's gonna help.

3:01 SPEAKER_01: The other thing, which is a beautiful technique, it's called havening.

3:05 SPEAKER_01: And we gently touch our hands.

3:11 SPEAKER_01: That's one of them.

3:12 SPEAKER_01: It's on that PDF that's the free uh opt-in on my website, and it describes um, you know, touching very, very gently, so almost like you're tickling your hands.

Havening As A Physical Safety Signal

3:25 SPEAKER_01: And the reason it's so effective, I'm gonna give you the physiological explanation.

3:31 SPEAKER_01: So sometimes maybe that'll help.

3:33 SPEAKER_01: So your vagus nerve is going, a pterodactyl is coming to get me and eat me.

3:39 SPEAKER_01: And and if you're physically having this lovely feeling on your hands, the vagus nerve is going, well, wait a minute, that feels really nice.

3:50 SPEAKER_01: I'm not in danger.

3:52 SPEAKER_01: So it's a nonverbal physical message.

3:56 SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?

3:57 SPEAKER_01: And then Absolutely.

3:59 SPEAKER_01: Right?

4:00 SPEAKER_01: So instead of someone saying, Relax, you're fine, you know, your body's going, I don't feel fine, well, give it a sensation.

4:10 SPEAKER_01: And and here's an interesting note is with these techniques, it's really important to collect techniques that work for you.

4:22 SPEAKER_01: Because when we're in these high numbers and we're dysregulated, we're we don't know what we need.

Build A Personal Calm List

4:30 SPEAKER_01: We don't, we don't know what's on that list because we're not thinking.

4:33 SPEAKER_01: We're not, we don't, and that doesn't matter that I'm here um a psychotherapist, it doesn't matter that we're a coach, that we actually teach these things.

4:43 SPEAKER_01: When we're in it ourselves, we don't, we we're we're not putting the pieces together.

4:49 SPEAKER_01: However, we have the the wherewithal to go to the list.

4:53 SPEAKER_01: So whether that's on your whether it's on your phone, whether you've put that sheet on your fridge or in your cubicle, you can go, wait a minute, I can go look at my list.

5:06 SPEAKER_01: Oh, I can do that.

5:08 SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it takes a couple steps to actually lower that number to where it's bearable.

5:15 SPEAKER_01: And um, I've said, you know, sometimes we need the heavy artillery.

5:20 SPEAKER_01: So we need, you know, the rescue remedy, the essential oil, we gotta have a calming tea, we've got to have the magnesium, we've got to do the breathing, we've got to take a little break.

5:30 SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we need it all to calm that system.

5:35 SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's again, you know, my my suggestion would be to catch it early.

Catch Anxiety Early Before Work

5:43 SPEAKER_01: So as it's starting to move up, if you're having, you know, you might know when you go into the office it's gonna be a busy day or it's gonna be stressful.

5:52 SPEAKER_01: Start these strategies before you go in.

5:55 SPEAKER_01: Right.

5:56 SPEAKER_01: Practice them so your body gets used to these signals.

6:02 SPEAKER_01: That's that's one kind of way to start.

6:05 SPEAKER_00: Brilliant.

6:05 SPEAKER_00: It's interesting you say that because to me, uh and I know most things are quite simple in uh, you know, they're simple strategies that and and it's almost because they're simple, people don't think about doing them because it's almost they think it's counterintuitive because it's that simple it can't work.

Tiny Changes That Shift Your Day

6:25 SPEAKER_00: But I remember um uh I had a client who worked in in the city, this uh city of London, and I said to her, just um, you know, she used to get off at bank, which is right in the s in um in the city, and loads, I mean, thousands of people get off at bank every every single morning between 8 and 9am.

6:49 SPEAKER_00: And I said to her, why don't you get off at Monument?

6:54 SPEAKER_00: So it's it's literally um the tube station, it's literally what what not even 30 seconds, the the train ride from monument to bank, but because less people get off at monument, she can then I just said to her, just spend that time that you would do on the train, those few extra minutes, just walking to work, and by hopefully by the time you get to work, you'll be in a different frame of mind.

7:20 SPEAKER_00: And just by doing that, just by getting off the train a stop earlier, you know, and it's not and like I said, I'm not expecting people to to do that for miles, you know.

7:30 SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.

7:31 SPEAKER_00: But because the stations were so close together, you know, just those three minutes, extra walk it, minutes walking, made such a difference to how she felt when she went into work.

7:43 SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting you what you say, you know, we we it's important that we understand ourselves and understand what we need, and then therefore put in strategies that can help us make our own recipe almost of 100 for us.

8:03 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a bit of experimenting.

8:05 SPEAKER_01: Though your body, you can trust your body 100%.

8:08 SPEAKER_01: You don't have to trust me or the strategies.

8:11 SPEAKER_01: So the way that I've presented these things in the books is like a smorgasbord, is like, okay, here's the understanding, here's what it might be, and then here are some strategies.

8:23 SPEAKER_01: And if one of the strategies don't work, don't worry about it.

8:27 SPEAKER_01: They're not a right or wrong, we're all so different.

8:30 SPEAKER_01: And I love what you said is just experiment.

8:34 SPEAKER_01: So that that walk might just be the right thing.

8:39 SPEAKER_01: And it's like preparing, and we're very resilient, so we we can do this.

8:45 SPEAKER_01: We can um we can do this.

8:48 SPEAKER_01: And the other thing that I talk about is a gratitude practice is a mindset.

8:56 SPEAKER_01: And and and yes, this is this is what you do, and and so I I have a very strong daily practice.

Gratitude Practice And Brain Training

9:07 SPEAKER_01: So I got up extra early today because my time zone is earlier than yours.

9:11 SPEAKER_01: And I made sure that I still had time for that.

9:15 SPEAKER_01: And my brain, because I've been doing it for so many years, my brain is trained that even when if I wake up with anxiety, which happens, is I go right into uh gratitude and positivity because I know that I can figure this out and get through it and it will pass.

9:35 SPEAKER_01: And then practicing gratitude, just spending time in all the things I'm so happy about and grateful for.

9:45 SPEAKER_01: And it does train your brain for the rest of the day so that, you know, when you're on the um the subway, you know, maybe somebody smiles or there's there's a cute thing happening, or um a pet, or perhaps a young child.

10:04 SPEAKER_01: Well, that that you notice that because you've been doing the gratitude, or maybe somebody let you go through the door first, these these small but beautiful kindnesses that we start, our brain starts scanning because we've started the day with gratitude.

10:24 SPEAKER_01: And that is that is science.

10:26 SPEAKER_01: It's it's not something elka made up, and it works.

10:31 SPEAKER_01: It absolutely 100% works.

10:34 SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting you say the the the gratitude word, because um I think a lot of people think it's just oh that's for those those so-called motivational speakers, you know, gratitude.

10:49 SPEAKER_00: That's not so that's not something I have got time for in my life.

10:52 SPEAKER_00: But I tell you something, one of the things that I have noticed, and um I have this thing, I have this P word that I really, really hate.

11:03 SPEAKER_00: It's called perfection or perfectionism.

11:05 SPEAKER_00: And I think one of the best, I from my own experience, I should say, one of the best ways to counter that feeling of having to, you know, be perfect is to start and continue thinking about all the things that you are grateful for, all the things that you are able to do, the fact that you are able to wake up in the morning and move your body.

Perfectionism Toxic Positivity And Real Joy

11:31 SPEAKER_00: So many people don't have that.

11:33 SPEAKER_00: And when you I think when you start from up there, from that gratitude place, it's yes, it may, it may come down a little bit during the day, but it will s you know, it your positivity.

11:47 SPEAKER_00: Um, and when I call when I mean positivity, I don't mean fake positivity for the sake of it.

11:53 SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the kind of positive the the joy of life stays with you throughout the day when you practice gratitude.

12:01 SPEAKER_00: So I'm really glad that you you um you suggested it it should be on our list of things that we should be looking at.

12:09 SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, and when we're grateful, when we're in that place, and I hear you about that true great gratefulness that um because now there's a buzzword going around about toxic uh positivity, it's not this true gratitude is real, and it's a lens that I choose to wear.

12:31 SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, both are there, you know, the the what's not working and what is working.

12:37 SPEAKER_01: So why why not focus on what's working?

12:40 SPEAKER_01: That's going to attract more.

12:42 SPEAKER_01: You're going to actually program your brain, and that is science.

12:47 SPEAKER_01: Your brain can only uh really uh zone in and scan for about 10 familiar things.

12:54 SPEAKER_01: It's not a lot, even though we have a superpower in our brains, um, because we would go mad if we noticed everything.

13:01 SPEAKER_01: And and it's interesting because when we're grateful, we're not anxious.

13:06 SPEAKER_01: And the other cool thing you said, you know, how do we make it not a full-time job?

13:11 SPEAKER_01: And this is so interesting to me because anxiety depletes us, exhausts us.

13:18 SPEAKER_01: And to get that energy back, that becomes the full-time job.

13:24 SPEAKER_01: So if we do the self-care and like I call it an investment.

How Joy Returns With Practice

13:30 SPEAKER_01: So the investment that I put into my mornings, my morning practice, that's an investment in me.

13:37 SPEAKER_01: It's also an investment of how I come into the day.

13:41 SPEAKER_01: It's a choice and it and it ripples.

13:46 SPEAKER_01: It ripples to our work, it ripples out to my work with my clients, the things I write about, the things I talk about.

13:55 SPEAKER_01: And that that is a beautiful place and is not uh creating anxiety.

14:04 SPEAKER_01: Right?

14:04 SPEAKER_01: So it's it it's it's actually saves you time, which is interesting.

14:11 SPEAKER_01: It gives you energy, which we all want is the energy and the passion.

14:17 SPEAKER_01: And so instead of it being this um chore, because when I hear you say a full-time job, it sounds like, oh, you know, I don't want to do this.

14:28 SPEAKER_01: Instead, it lights your spirit.

14:32 SPEAKER_01: That's different, right?

14:35 SPEAKER_00: Yeah.

14:36 SPEAKER_00: It's interesting.

14:37 SPEAKER_00: You, you know, you say what I said about a full-time job.

14:40 SPEAKER_00: The thing that I was uh I was alluding to there is that when we feel as if we have to do things, it becomes it becomes a chore.

14:51 SPEAKER_00: It it it it almost like we can't enjoy it.

14:55 SPEAKER_00: And it's really interesting what you say about gratitude and positivity, because I have this concept that I talk about all the time with my clients.

15:03 SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, they know I'm nuts, but I call it outrageous, unconscious um joy.

15:11 SPEAKER_00: And when I explain it to them, they understand that I the way that I see joy, I I don't see happiness.

15:19 SPEAKER_00: I I mean, I understand that there is this thing called happiness, and I understand from my experience is something that it's in the moment.

15:27 SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the feeling when you wake up in the morning and it's almost as if you're just there's so much energy in you that you just want to do positive things, you want to do nice things, you want to enjoy everything, you want to see everything from a lens.

15:44 SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting that you say that of gratitude, of positivity.

15:49 SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes we can limit that because we think of that P word and other negative things that can sort of dampen that outrageous, unconscious joy that I think we're all born.

16:05 SPEAKER_00: You see it in children, they they don't have any limits to the amount of enjoyment they they seem to want and in life.

16:13 SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really important that you you you've talked about that, Elka.

16:18 SPEAKER_01: Right, and and joy, we can grow joy.

16:21 SPEAKER_01: I I remember and I'm gonna ask listeners, I was asked a question, um, what what would make you happy?

16:32 SPEAKER_01: And Cheryl, this is this is true, actually.

16:36 SPEAKER_01: It took me six months to answer that question because I had forgotten.

16:44 SPEAKER_01: And I still to this day remember that time, and I I just went, really?

16:48 SPEAKER_01: I don't even know.

16:50 SPEAKER_01: And I had to teach myself, I you know what I did is I start I bought some comic books that I liked, like you know, and they have them in the papers.

17:00 SPEAKER_01: And so I bought some books and I would read them until I would laugh.

17:04 SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it took me 20 minutes.

17:07 SPEAKER_01: And I just went, wow, my my whole system forgot.

17:13 SPEAKER_01: And the other thing in that research, and I did research this because I I needed to bring myself to a place of happiness.

17:24 SPEAKER_01: I believe that that we live, we were living miracles.

17:28 SPEAKER_01: I believed that, however, I wasn't living it.

17:32 SPEAKER_01: And yes, and my research said, and it was interesting when you said about motivational speakers.

17:39 SPEAKER_01: Um come back to that.

17:41 SPEAKER_01: My research was that gratitude is the way to joy, not the other way around.

17:49 SPEAKER_01: And motivational speakers, when you look at their habits, they have a very strong daily practice, they practice gratitude, and they do this this whole repertoire of self-care, and then they enter the day to serve.

18:06 SPEAKER_01: And and practicing gratitude is one of the quickest ways to bring joy into your life.

18:14 SPEAKER_01: And that's how I started.

18:16 SPEAKER_01: And honestly, and the reason I share this is I want to encourage women, encourage people and listeners.

18:23 SPEAKER_01: At the beginning, I felt I was fake.

18:28 SPEAKER_01: I felt that I was just going through an exercise, and I started with a very tiny book, and I made myself do it because the research said it would work, and I'm just wanting to really emphasize it, it does work.

18:44 SPEAKER_01: And it took me a few weeks, and one day I felt this like bubble up, and I went, Oh, there it is.

18:54 SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.

18:55 SPEAKER_01: And then it went away.

18:56 SPEAKER_01: There it is, yeah.

18:57 SPEAKER_01: And then it went away.

18:59 SPEAKER_01: However, it gave me encouragement to practice, and I have practiced that ever since, and it grew and grew, and my journals now have grown.

19:14 SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that can be a whole other visit that we can talk about.

19:19 SPEAKER_01: Though please don't give up, even if you don't feel like it, keep doing it.

19:27 SPEAKER_01: You will, it will happen.

19:29 SPEAKER_01: And practice is one of my favorite words.

19:33 SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely, which is it's which is why it's part of my quote.

19:39 SPEAKER_00: You know, progress is progress, it's about taking those small, you know, steps.

19:45 SPEAKER_00: Um, oftentimes people think that change has to happen in some massive, you know, grand event, and it's not.

Key Takeaways And The Checklist

19:54 SPEAKER_00: I I find the most profound changes that people make in their lives are the small incremental things that they choose to do every day that make such a big difference to their lives.

20:05 SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you, Elka, for sharing your knowledge and experience.

20:11 SPEAKER_00: Um, I will put a link to your checklist in my show notes.

20:16 SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for joining me.

20:17 SPEAKER_00: I honestly I cannot, I cannot, even words fail me.

20:22 SPEAKER_00: At the level of gratitude I have for you sharing what you have with us today, because it it I hope it's uh been useful to all my listeners because I know it's been helpful for me and I appreciate that.

20:35 SPEAKER_01: Well, I love it, Cheryl, because I know that you're gonna share it with your work, and that is awesome.

20:42 SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, so it'd be make me happy if people utilize uh those pages and that it helps them because it's gonna help us all.

20:53 SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much.

20:56 SPEAKER_00: Thank you.

20:56 SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining me.

21:03 SPEAKER_00: I think one of the things um you can take away today is to start your own calm list.

21:10 SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what I'm going to do.

21:13 SPEAKER_00: You know, writing down three things that help you feel steadier.

21:17 SPEAKER_00: You know, it might be going for a walk, some water, focusing on your breathing.

21:28 SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Workstress Anxiety.

21:32 SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoyed the rest of your day.

21:34 SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.