Breathe Before You React: Relieving Work Stress Through Breathing

Welcome And Why Reactions Repeat

0:21 SPEAKER_00: Hi and welcome to work stress anxiety of maternal parents. You know, one of the most useful ideas I think in today's conversation is this. Sometimes we think we're reacting to the person or the situation in front of us, but sometimes something older might have been woken up in some ideas. Not always, of course, but sometimes the workplace really feels unreasonable, and um the way that I see it, when the same reactions keep repeating, it can be helpful to pause amongst what pattern this might be playing out here.

1:03 SPEAKER_00: So today I'm joined by Deep Patri and we're talking about stress, emotional patterns, and small ways to resolve things uh differently. So let's get to it. Hi and welcome to work stress anxiety. I'm Cheryl. Welcome if you're new here. If you're not new here, crazy you, no, I'm only kidding. Welcome to I have an amazing guest with me this afternoon. Deepak, welcome.

1:35 SPEAKER_01: Pleasure to be on your show, Cheryl.

1:39 SPEAKER_00: So Deepak, one of the things that I always, I know that I'm guilty of it myself. I I like calm and serenity around me. And obviously, I appreciate that's not always possible. And I know for a fact, if you're in a very potentially toxic work environment, that can be very difficult. If your job in itself is stressful, and then the people around you are in the midst of uh stress and anxiety, that can be very difficult for people. But I was interested in the middle of all of that, when people say, you know, be calm or you know, just pause, and that can that can simply sound a bit um impossible.

2:29 SPEAKER_00: What do you think are some of the ways that people can find to literally pause so that difficulties in real life are more manageable for them?

Breath And Heart Focus Reset

2:44 SPEAKER_01: Well, I would say ultimately you can go without drinking water for a long period of time, you can go without eating for, you know, even months at a time, but breathing is another story. You cannot go for even a couple minutes without having another breath of air. So I would say the breath would be where your focus should be in that sense. Because ultimately it's the central part of everything we do. So you'll also notice, or I or your listeners and viewers will notice, that when you're under a lot of stress or anxiety or depression or fears or you know, emotional trauma or whatever it may be, your breathing will always be erratic in some way, or very slowed down, or hardly breathing at all.

3:38 SPEAKER_01: But you that's a definite place where you'll definitely notice something. In addition to the anxious feelings, or sad feelings, or depressed feelings, or whatever, those will also be there. So if you track it to your breath, what I would recommend, and there's many things that probably your listeners and viewers can do, but this is something simple. We go to the heart of the equation or the heart chakra. So a chakra is the energy center of the body, and we have seven of them, at least. I have actually found 12, but we'll say seven.

4:10 SPEAKER_01: So the largest, most powerful energy center of our body is the heart chakra. It's 5,000 more times more powerful than even the third eye chakra, which is super powerful. So when you're feeling these emotions, whether it's you know anxiety, stress, depression, or whatever it may be, fear, what's gonna happen tomorrow, what's gonna happen now. Always take your breath. Notice your breath, and it'll always be erratic or slowed down or hardly at all. And say, oh, I notice you can say, I notice I am breathing this way.

4:43 SPEAKER_01: You're not analyzing, you're not saying, oh, how come I'm breathing like that? Oh, I notice I'm breathing this way. I notice my posture is slouched, I notice I'm shrinking my shoulders, I notice. That's it. And then what you can do is take your breath and imagine breathing into the center of your heart, the largest energy center of your body. Okay? Because if that energy is blocked, which it would be if that's happening, then that affects your whole body's energy field. So take breathing easily for a couple minutes into your heart, as if your heart is your lungs, and you'll find that calms everything down.

5:20 SPEAKER_01: Again, the heart of the situation, the heart of your whole body's energy system, the most powerful one. That's what I found is really very helpful. Because when you breathe into your heart slowly and you're conscious of that slow breath, regardless of the fight-flight emotions you're having, you cannot be in that state for too long, the negative state, when you're doing this particular exercise, is what I found. So that's one one powerful exercise I recommend.

Noticing Versus Self-Blame

5:48 SPEAKER_00: You know, one of the things that I think is really important, when we've spoken before, you'd mentioned it, and it is part of the work that I do and the method that I use, and that's awareness. That when you bring things into awareness, it's it's almost like that light bulb moment. To me, it's the best place to start from from a place of awareness. But I also know that when I mean awareness, I'm not talking about the type of awareness most people talk about. The type of awareness I talk about is non-judgmental, it's just information.

6:29 SPEAKER_00: There's no judgment in there. But I know that a lot of people, when they become aware of things, it's almost like they can become self-conscious about that that level of awareness. And I'm interested in what you think. What is the difference, in in your opinion, between noticing something and blaming yourself for something?

6:55 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a big difference in there. Noticing means you're kind of almost like, let's say I'm reacting. Oh my god, what's gonna happen to them? What are they gonna say to me? What if I mess up on my speech or you know, whatever? But when you're noticing, it's almost like you're standing outside of yourself, observing yourself, saying, Oh, I notice D Pak me is feeling this. I notice I'm breathing this, you know. So if you take it to breath and things like that, I notice I'm my posture, my shoulders are really tight, you know.

7:28 SPEAKER_01: And when you notice these things, immediately you can take a corrective action on each thing you notice. So if you notice your, oh, I notice I'm breathing faster. So let me do the opposite. Let me slow it down. I notice that my um, you know, I notice I'm my shoulders are really tight. Okay, well then let me do the opposite of that. Let me relax it. You know, anything that's negative. If it's positive, great. But we're talking about things that are limiting, right? So um anything you notice negative, just do the opposite of that.

7:59 SPEAKER_01: So you're just observing yourself, not judging yourself. Oh, I'm stupid, I'm lazy, I'm no good, I'm not. We're not that that's not where we're going. You're noticing that's why we're doing it with breath, with posture, with things like that, which is just an observance. I notice that, right? Isn't that a big difference in saying, oh, I'm uh I'm slow, I'm stupid, I'm no good, I'm I can't speak well, you know. That's not what we're talking about at all, you know? And you may even want to notice the last time you felt this feeling of compassion towards a pet.

8:30 SPEAKER_01: How can anyone be angry with the pet, right? So or even someone else's pet or even something in the wild. Notice the the feeling of joy you saw when you saw beautiful, when you pet a beautiful kitten or cat or dog. How what how that felt, right? Notice how it you felt when you saw the most beautiful flower in your most beautiful garden. How did that feel when you saw that? No one's gonna say it was horrible. Everyone's gonna say, oh, it was it was beautiful. Like describe that beautiful flower you saw in that garden that made you feel so happy.

9:01 SPEAKER_01: Well, it was beautiful. It had violet color on the outside, it was very soft petals. Your focus changes. When you change your focus of your emotion, you cannot be in that same negative state at that same time. You can be in one state at any time, but not in both states at the same time. So that's what I recommend.

9:19 SPEAKER_00: Okay.

Tiny Steps That Break Patterns

9:20 SPEAKER_00: Now, interesting. I don't know if you can see what's on the wall behind me. That's my quote. And one of the things I talk to people about all the time is this word here, small, that people can take small steps because I think sometimes when people, you know, we we talked about awareness, and I think sometimes when people become aware that something is not how they might quite want it in their lives, they can go a bit, they can go a bit crazy, and they think they need to overhaul their whole lives.

9:55 SPEAKER_00: You know, they need to, you know, get the the notepad out and think, you know, of 20 things they need to change, and all those things need to happen within the next week or the next month. I always like to bring it right back down, is the smallest thing you can do right now that will move you forward to where you want to be, to that beautiful, balanced future that you want to see. And I'm just interested what you think. If someone's listening to this episode, what is one small step they can take after this conversation?

10:34 SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about overhauling their lives or any grand gestures, one realistic step that you think would help them move towards that brighter, more balanced future that they want.

10:50 SPEAKER_01: I would I would say that and I think that's brilliant what you have on your wall there. What's one small step you can take? And if you want to say, you know, what is the smallest step you can take? So make it totally like, you know, like, well, I can, you know, eat, maybe I'll eat, you know, one thing differently than I eat, you know, or eat a little bit less than I normally do if they eat too much, or you know, I notice that I will take a slow deep breath next time someone upsets me. And instead of reacting, I'll just breathe through it.

11:20 SPEAKER_01: You know, even if I'm feeling upset about it, I'll just breathe slowly through it. So you do one small action differently than you normally do. So that's the key thing. So I think that's a brilliant, brilliant suggestion. So just say, what is the small step you can take? And taking carrying on what you just said, you know, I don't care how microscopic it is, but it must be different and positive to what you were doing before. Not the same pattern you're repeating. That's all could be a small step too, but it's not helping you.

11:51 SPEAKER_01: So you want to take what is something small but positive that's going to take you to a better place emotionally than you are now? What is something that you can do? What that is one positive thing, no matter how small it is, that you can do right now that would make you feel better than you do, you know, that's a positive thing from where you're what you're doing right now. So it has to be positive. So the subconscious mind said, you asked a question, right? It has to answer. Positive. Oh, I'm almost doing something negative.

12:15 SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, I could, you know, breathe slower. I could, you know, take slower breaths. I can direct my energy, as I talked about earlier, towards my heart and breathe through my heart as if it was my lungs. You know, I can know I could maybe I always tense my shoulders when I'm getting tense, so I can just automatically just drop my shoulders, even in normal conversation. These are small, simple things. But each, these simple things are not simple, build on the others till it becomes a normal pattern of thinking and reacting.

12:45 SPEAKER_01: So then he's like, oh, yeah, Deepak, I used to always tense my shoulders, but since you told me to be aware of it, and now I don't do it anymore. I don't have to even think about it. It becomes unconscious, subconscious, you see? So now they don't have to keep thinking about doing that. Now they can go to the next thing, and that'll be their next step up, which I think you brilliantly have behind your wall.

13:07 SPEAKER_00: You know, it's really interesting because when you when you were saying that I was thinking about um one of the reasons I created this quote, I made it took me a while to come up with, but it it came together because I realized that sometimes when you're so stressed out, you're you don't think clearly. But the one of the things that really help you is that beautiful word called evidence, evidence of success, which is why I I suggested that it's about intention. If you take a positive step forward, that thing then becomes evidence of you moving forward, and then when you take another step forward, that's another piece of evidence, and then when you're talking or looking, reflecting back on the progress that you've made, you've got all these little bits of evidence that you've moved, that you've changed, that you've taken action.

Unlocking Potential And The Spiral Up

14:11 SPEAKER_00: And I'm just curious to know if there was one thing that just thinking about all the clients that you've had, yeah. If there was one thing that you could say that your clients have taught you about yourself, what would that thing be?

14:30 SPEAKER_01: That we don't know our own potential of what we can achieve. We have no idea or the life we can experience, because we may believe we're destined to a life of mediocrity or the same challenging position over and over again, because that's all we've seen. So when I work with a client in a challenging place, I'll say, I realize where you are. But what if I could guide you to take you to a complete place of freedom and joy? Well, Deepak, I never experienced that in my life. I don't even know what joy is or what a wonderful relationship is.

14:59 SPEAKER_01: I said, I know. But we'll take it step by step. We'll kind of release those limiting patterns, and it'll automatically, like the law of attraction, draw situations, circumstances, and events that you couldn't possibly create that will be one more wonderful than the one you had before. And that will create joy and happiness that something even better than that could even happen. And that builds on itself. That's what I call the spiral up, because we all know about the spiral down. Well, there's a spiral up too.

15:25 SPEAKER_01: It was Tone Anthony Robbins that said, it's in the moments of your decisions that your destiny is shaped. So, in other words, if you change the decisions you make or the way you look at things, then everything can change too. Because Dr. Wayne Dyer said, it's in the moment when you change the way you look at things, let me say that again. So Dr. Wayne Dyer said, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, which means your reality changes as you shift your perception of how you see a previous event.

15:57 SPEAKER_01: And just like falling, so that changes your whole reality of everything. But if you're doing the same unconscious program like you staged earlier, Cheryl, then you're gonna repeat the same pattern over and over again, expecting different results. So that's why you want to pause, again, talking back what I said to breathing, slow things down and say, what is one thing I could do right now that's gonna take me to a more positive place, even feeling-wise, than I was normally doing before. It's like you're catching yourself, like stop.

16:27 SPEAKER_01: You know, when you start doing that, your mind goes, no, no, no, no, no, no. You say, no, stop, stop. It's okay. Like if you saw a child doing something that was not correct, right? Instead of saying, stop it, you stupid kid, you jerk, you never would say that. Why would you say that to a sweet child? Say, oh, like son, you know, child, little daughter. No, it's okay. It's okay. I understand why you feel this way. It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay. It's all right. I care about you deeply.

16:53 SPEAKER_01: It's all right. You just this is how this is how you learn to do things. It's okay. And there's no mistakes. It's just something you learn to make you stronger than you were before. You'll do better. You'll definitely do better next time. You already are right now, and I care for you deeply. That's what a child wants to hear, right? So you're not you're not judging them based on performance. You know, you should have gotten the high marks on this instead of the low marks. You're saying that they're wonderful for who they are now.

17:19 SPEAKER_01: That's what I so so that's what I would try to tell people. There's nothing wrong with you, like you said earlier. You didn't you didn't mess up anything. It's just a pattern of thinking that you've been repeating your whole life that wasn't serving you. It's okay. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Your perception shifts, and then you draw things into your life, which means your reality shifts too in a positive way. So you can do, be, and have all the things you ever dreamed of that you never had before.

17:47 SPEAKER_01: You can have that. And I've helped people to get there.

17:50 SPEAKER_00: Yeah. And it's interesting you saying that because I think sometimes people think that there's only one way to react to certain situations. I remember when this was a while ago, it was actually when I first moved to Berkshire. And just in case you don't know, Berkshire is the rural county of Berkshire. It's where the king has most of his palaces in England. And I when I first moved, I was renting a flat. After a few months, I got burgled, and everybody, all my friends, my boyfriend was so outraged that I'd been burgled.

18:28 SPEAKER_00: And I was like, they obviously felt I was I was incredibly calm. I remember saying to a friend, they obviously felt they needed the stuff more than I did. You know, people couldn't understand why I was calm about it. Um to be honest with you, I don't even know why I was calm. I maybe I just you know realised there wasn't any point in being upset. I was just glad that I wasn't there at the time it happened. So people always think, yeah, there's only one way to respond to certain things. My hope through the work that we do, we can help people see things, like you say, from a completely different perspective.

19:10 SPEAKER_00: And when people do see things from a completely different perspective, they can see that there are other alternatives, there are other ways of seeing things.

Workplace Stress Without Overidentifying

19:21 SPEAKER_00: So, my last question to you, Deepak, would be today you're at work, know that you're in a situation where you're not happy because the work is stressing you out, or there's someone there stressing you out, or the fact that you have to manage people. I know that lots of people, when they bec you know, when they first have just become management, that's very stressful for them. You're in that situation, you don't know what to do. What would be your advice to them? One or rather than advice, because I don't think you we can give people advice because advice comes from us, our own experiences, but what would be your suggestion for someone who's experiencing was work stress or anxiety and they don't want to leave the they don't want to leave their roles.

20:17 SPEAKER_00: They're kind of committed to their roles. What would be your suggestion?

20:22 SPEAKER_01: I would say that, especially in the workplace where there's often a lot of stress, and I've worked with many executives also, is that they put so much pressure on themselves to perform, way more than necessary. So I would say to them, imagine, as I talked about earlier, stepping outside of yourself. So this is this is myself, but imagine I could just sh step outside of myself and look at it, say, Deepak, objectively, like I'm looking at somebody else. So that person could look at themselves and say, like, and I would say to myself, Deepak, look, you're really overreacting to this person, this employee, or or to the whole situation of managing this group of people.

21:05 SPEAKER_01: You're putting too much pressure on yourself. You're carrying out this job or this responsibility. So you're it's not even about you, it's about what you carry and and what you're doing. This is what your function is. So take so it's not about you, and it's not anything to deal with you or who you are as a person. It's the role of who you what you're carrying out. And to be in your power, you need to carry out what you need to carry those steps of what needs to be done and what needs to be right.

21:35 SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, you're contradicting what you're actually doing in this position of high level. So just do it according to the role of who you what you do and your your duty. You're serving your duty of what you're what you're you're here to do in your in this world. Not it's not about you. It has nothing to do with you. Not not that there's you are a wonderful, beautiful person, but you are not this authoritative, mean person doing this. You are in a place of position doing what you need to do in this role.

22:07 SPEAKER_01: And by doing this, you'll be respected for what you're doing versus it has nothing to do with who you are. That way you take the burden off yourself of like, I have to be like this, I have to be on par all the time, I have to be performing at 20. That can burn anyone else off in two seconds. So that's that's what you do. Step out of yourself. And then when you're done for the day, sh go back into your regular self, be a regular person, you know? So that way, on a global level, you're you're looking at a higher purpose above ourselves.

22:38 SPEAKER_01: And when you serve a purpose higher than yourselves, I have found you take yourself out of the emotional equation of that reactivity.

Where To Get Support And Close

22:46 SPEAKER_00: Deepak, before we go, where can people find out more about you and your work?

22:53 SPEAKER_01: Absolutely. Well, I offer a complimentary 15-minute consult with me, no obligations at all. And to do that, well, all they have to do is go to my website, which is fastanxietyhelp.com, F-A-S T A-N-X-I-E-T-Y, H E-L-P.com. And when they go to that website, you can of course read about my work, but most importantly, sign up for a no obligations 15-minute consult with me. You'll you will really enjoy this experience with me. I will listen when we do our Zoom call or phone call. I will listen to all the challenges, all the challenges that are going on in your life and upsets and everything going on with the full heart.

23:34 SPEAKER_01: And I will propose my own customized solution of how to take you from the challenging place you might have been your whole life to a place of peace, joy, freedom, happiness, things you may not have ever experienced in your life. You'll notice you don't get triggered by things anymore the same way. You feel better about yourself and make better decisions, which leads to better results. That's what I recommend. They go to that website.

23:57 SPEAKER_00: Brilliant. Deepak, I'd like to thank you for joining me this afternoon. It's been a pleasure. Thank you, Deepak.

24:03 SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Cheryl.

24:05 SPEAKER_00: Today's conversation matters because so many high-achiev women become very good at carrying stress quietly. You know, this podcast exists to help you notice those signals earlier, understand what might be happening underneath, and find practical ways forward without laying shame or pretending everything is alright, is it? I just want to thank uh send my thanks to Dean for joining me today. And if you're new to the podcast, please follow the podcast at follow the podcast.com forward slash wallet stress and community so that you don't miss any amazing episodes.

24:50 SPEAKER_00: Like in the