Breaking the Cycle: Finding Strength in Setting Boundaries

Welcome back to a gentle pause in your busy day. If you are new to the podcast - Welcome! if you have been here before Welcome back and thank you for allowing me into a few minutes of your day.

If you’re here, you’re likely someone who’s felt the weight of endless expectations, the pressure to always say yes, and the exhaustion that comes with making yourself smaller to fit into spaces that were never quite designed for your authentic self.

Today, we’re talking about something that might feel surprisingly vulnerable: setting boundaries. Not the dramatic, confrontational kind you see in movies, but the quiet, powerful act of simply saying “no” or “let me think about that” when you’ve spent years automatically saying yes.

The Awkwardness is Real—And That’s the Point

Let’s be honest: when you first start setting boundaries, it feels weird. There’s an awkwardness that settles in, a discomfort that might make you question whether you’re doing something wrong. You might replay the conversation over and over. You might worry about how the other person reacted. You might even lose sleep wondering if you’ve made a mistake.

Here’s what I want you to know: that awkwardness isn’t a sign that you should stop. It’s actually a sign that something important is shifting.

When we’ve spent years—sometimes decades—automatically conforming to expectations, our nervous system becomes accustomed to that pattern. It feels safe, even though it’s exhausting. When we change that pattern, our system registers it as unfamiliar, which our brain interprets as potentially risky. That’s where the discomfort comes from.

But here’s the reframe that changes everything: instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” let’s ask “What does this change actually threaten?”

What’s Really Being Threatened?

It’s rarely your worth. It’s not your competence, your value, or your ability to do your job well. What’s actually being threatened is far more mundane—and that’s what makes it so powerful to recognize.

Setting boundaries threatens:

• The convenience of your silence. When you’ve been the person who absorbs extra work, smooths over conflicts, and never makes waves, others have become accustomed to that. Your boundary disrupts that convenience.

• The habits that have relied on your compliance. Systems, relationships, and workplace dynamics have been built on the assumption that you’ll always be available, always be flexible, always feeling 105%, always prioritise others’ needs. A boundary challenges that assumption.

• The unspoken agreement that your needs come last. This is particularly true for high-achieving women who’ve often been socialized to be the caretakers, the peacekeepers, the ones who make things work.

None of this has anything to do with your worth. It’s simply about the ecosystem that’s formed around your old patterns.

The Power of Observation

One of the most transformative shifts you can make is to step back and observe the patterns at play, rather than personalising them. Think to yourself what would Sherlock Holmes suggest if he was here?

When someone reacts poorly to your boundary, it’s tempting to internalise it. To think, “I’m being selfish. I’m not a team player. I’m letting people down.” But what’s actually happening is that someone is experiencing a disruption to a pattern they’ve become comfortable with.

That’s their work to do, not yours.

When you can observe this dynamic—“Oh, I see. This person is uncomfortable because I’m not playing the role I used to play”—you remove the personal sting. You’re no longer asking yourself what’s wrong with you. You’re simply noting what’s happening in the system.

This is where your power lives.

A Simple Phrase to Practice

If you’re ready to start experimenting with boundaries but aren’t sure where to begin, I want to offer you something practical: “Let me come back to you on that.”

That’s it. Four words that give you space, clarity, and time.

No justification. No apology. No explanation of why you need to think about it. Just a simple, professional, boundary-setting phrase that buys you time and signals that you’re not automatically conforming.

Try practicing it quietly. Say it to yourself while you’re alone, or whisper it during a break. Let your nervous system become familiar with how it feels to say it before you use it in a real situation. This might sound simple, but it’s incredibly powerful. You’re literally rewiring your automatic response.

The Awareness is Everything

As you start setting boundaries—even small ones—I want you to do something important: check in with yourself and notice any shifts in how you feel. No judgement here; just collect the data.

These shifts might be tiny. You might feel a small sense of relief. A slight decrease in the knot in your stomach. A moment where you feel a bit more like yourself. These small changes matter.

One of the things you will begin to notice more and more is the fact that they’re the beginning of a different relationship with yourself and your work.

Awareness is one of the most powerful tools you have. That is why the ABGW Method® starts with Awareness. Because when you start noticing these small shifts, you’re building evidence that boundaries aren’t selfish or wrong—they’re actually the pathway back to yourself.

Moving Forward

Setting boundaries is an act of strength, even when it feels awkward. Especially when it feels awkward, actually, because that’s when you know you’re changing something real.

The cycle you’ve been in—the automatic yes, the emotional exhaustion, the feeling that your success is costing you too much—that cycle can be broken. And it starts with small, quiet acts of boundary-setting.

You don’t have to do this perfectly. You don’t have to do it all at once. You just have to be willing to try, to observe what happens without personalizing it, and to notice the small shifts that come when you finally start honoring your own needs.

If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to listen to the full episode where we dive deeper into these themes and explore what happens when we challenge the status quo in our workplaces and relationships.

Ready to take the next step in your stress recovery journey? Tune in to our next episode where we’ll explore the feeling of pointlessness that can arise when speaking up—and how to move through it.

And remember: if things ever feel overwhelming, please reach out to a professional. You deserve support, and seeking it is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Take care of yourself. I’ll see you next time.