Beyond Transactions: Building Meaningful Connections at Work

We’ve all been there. You walk into the office and the eye-rolling is practically audible. Your team feels more like a collection of transactions than actual human beings. Support is thin on the ground. And somewhere along the way, genuine connection got replaced with polite efficiency and barely concealed frustration.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many high-achieving women find themselves in workplaces where the relational culture feels broken. The HSE might call it “a mess of relationships, support and change.” And honestly? Trying to fix the whole system at once feels overwhelming and impossible.

But here’s the thing: you don’t need to fix the whole thing. You can start by changing the front—the energy, the presence, the state that you bring into every interaction.

The Cost of Warmth (And Why You Might Have Stopped Showing It)

Let’s rewind for a moment. When Cheryl started her career, she trained in a culture where warmth wasn’t just undervalued—it was actively mislabeled. Bringing genuine care and human connection to work? That got labeled as naivety.

So she did what many of us do: she adapted. She stopped performing warmth because the environment made it feel unsafe to do so.

But here’s where it gets interesting. Instead of disappearing entirely, Cheryl shifted. She didn’t abandon connection—she reframed it. She moved from trying to be warm in an environment that punished warmth, to being steady.

And steadiness? That changes everything.

The Power of Steadiness Over Warmth

Steadiness is different from warmth. It’s quieter. It’s more grounded. It doesn’t announce itself or demand recognition. Steadiness is the presence that says: I’m here. I’m reliable. You can trust me.

This shift happened one meeting at a time. One real question asked. One win named. One micro-repair made that same day.

Cheryl noticed something remarkable: the cynics didn’t clap. They didn’t suddenly become cheerleaders for her approach. But they mirrored it quietly. And that was enough.

Because here’s what most of us get wrong about difficult workplace cultures: we think we need to convince everyone at once. We think we need the whole team to buy in before anything changes. But that’s not how human connection actually works.

People don’t risk openness if they expect to be dropped. But when your state says steady—when your presence communicates that you’re not going anywhere, that you’re reliable, that you’re genuinely interested—something shifts. The room gets a spine. Growth can happen at the right speed, whether that’s toddler speed or something faster. But it can happen.

The Contagion of State

Here’s a concept that’s worth sitting with: your state is contagious.

This isn’t manipulation. It’s not about pretending or performing. It’s about understanding that the emotional and energetic state you bring into a room literally influences the state of everyone in it. This is how social mirroring works at a neurological level.

Think about the last time you walked into a room full of strangers. Maybe you were nervous. Maybe you thought, No one will talk to me. I won’t fit in here. But what if, instead, you’d decided: I’m going to walk in here and assume I’m going to get on with everybody like they were my best mate?

That’s not motivational fluff. That’s neuroscience.

Your state determines the climate of the room. And one person—just one—can shift the climate of an entire space.

The 90-Second Reset: A Practical Tool

So how do you actually do this? How do you shift your state when you’re walking into a meeting with people who eye-roll at sincerity?

Cheryl offers a beautifully simple practice that takes just 90 seconds:

Notice. Start by noticing your physical state. Where are your feet? How are you breathing?

Sense. Lengthen your outbreath. Feel your shoulder blades slide down your back. Let your jaw unhook a little. This isn’t about forcing relaxation—it’s about noticing what’s actually happening in your body and gently shifting it.

Choose. Before you walk into that meeting, choose your state intentionally. Will you bring warmth? Clarity? Steadiness? What does this particular moment need from you?

Say. Finally, speak one thing out loud at the right pace for you:
- One small win from this week
- One piece of friction you could remove
- A boundary phrase that proves you’re in control: “I’m going to keep my tone steady. I’m going to park the sarcasm and stick to the decision.”

This isn’t about forcing positivity into a toxic situation. It’s about showing up as your steadiest, most grounded self. And that presence matters.

When State Shift Isn’t Enough

Here’s the honest part, and this is important: state shift is powerful. It can create immediate change. But it’s not a panacea.

If your workplace has deeper structural issues—systemic problems that go beyond individual relationships—state shift alone won’t touch them. Sometimes you need to talk about levers and ladders. Sometimes you need bigger interventions.

And if you ever feel unsafe or overwhelmed, please don’t white-knuckle it. Reach out to your GP, your organization’s support services, or a qualified professional. There’s no prize for suffering in silence.

Every Small Step Counts

But here’s what we want you to know: every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future.

You don’t need to transform your entire workplace culture by Friday. You don’t need everyone to suddenly become your best friend. You just need to show up as your steadiest self. You need to ask one real question. You need to name one win. You need to make one small repair.

And then tomorrow, you do it again.

Progress isn’t about speed. Progress is progress, no matter the pace.

Ready to Go Deeper?

This episode is packed with practical wisdom about how to navigate workplace relationships when the culture feels broken. Cheryl shares her own journey, walks you through the 90-second reset practice, and offers real strategies for building genuine connection in transactional environments.

Listen to the full episode now to discover how you can shift the climate of your workplace—one steady presence at a time.

And if this resonates with you? We’d love to hear from you. Get in touch on WhatsApp and let us know what you think. Your experience matters, and your voice might just help someone else find their way to steadiness too.

Trust your journey. You’ve got this.